Resume
by Ellie-Ohhh
Summary: She watched him from across the Great Hall, yeah they hadn't spoken as friends in two years, but even after everything that had happened he was still with that horrid excuse of a girl. And she was still with James. And it sucked. Royally. AU,7th year,!Head Boy/Girl L/S
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey everyone, I'm sorry to say that Resume had gotten removed because I hand't realized that I wasn't allowed to curse in my summary. I'll be reposting this story, so for all of you that have already read this, sorry charlies, but I will say that you might want to reread it because this had given me the chance to rewrite and reword some parts and chucks might be totally different. I've grown so much since starting Resume, so I'm taking this opportunity to make this an even better story than it was originally. And for those of you new to Resume, welcome. It's AU, get used to it. ;]

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The light breeze was most welcomed as it tousled her curls, they swayed and danced down her back, tickling her cheeks and then brushing them off her shoulders. Her hair had become something of wonder with the heat lately, her normally curly-wavy hair had become unruly and unmanageable with the humidity brought on by this summer's head wave, but she tried not to think about it too much, tried not to get self conscious about her normally beautiful hair becoming wild wonder over night. The sun scorched down on her pale skin, the freckles on her nose and cheekbones, even her shoulders, becoming more prominent as the summer waged on. The airy summer dress she wore helped considerably, but as she knew quite well, there was just so escaping the London summer sun.

She couldn't help the sighed that escaped her as she saw the old swing set come into view, she readjusted the satchel on her shoulder before pausing for a moment to stare at the swings, those old, slightly rusted swings. So many memories rushed in, so many feelings, it was hard for them not to. She walked past the set and headed into the forrest, not long after she came to a clearing where a somber looking boy sat.

She watched him for a moment, just watched him before he realized she was there. He looked tired, worn almost, with his downcast eyes and haunched shoulders. True, he had always looked like that, but there was just something about him now, something that gave off that exhausted energy that made her just want to hug him.

But, she wouldn't.

Not anymore.

He looked up, startled by her presence and for a moment she saw a flash of the nine year old boy she used to know in those dark eyes of his. But, the flash was gone as soon as it came and he hardened himself back up to the Severus she now knew of, but didn't truly know. For some reason, it saddened her.

"What?" She asked.

He stood from the boulder he had been sitting on and leisurely took a couple steps towards the red head, shoulders set, jaw clenched. "Nothing. I just assumed you wouldn't come." His Slytherin defenses were going up, the ones he had created years ago to escape the abuse inside his home and then honed to perfection at school. It annoyed the shit out of her.

"Well I'm not about to let nine years of tradition go to waste. Afterall, generally when you make promises you're suppose to keep them."

The anger that flashed through her bright eyes was unmistakable, he sneered down at her, understanding completely what she had been implying. As he stood over her, she wondered vaguely when he gotten so tall, so menacing. With a slight roll of his eyes Severus turned away from her and sat back down on the large rock he had been occupying earlier.

He looked her over, he didn't intend to because it always seemed to make things harder, but it was Lily, and he couldn't help himself. Her sundress flared down to a little lower than mid thigh, showing off her sinfully long legs, the straps of her dress were thick and the neck line modest. Yet, as always, the swell of her breast could be seen, whether on purpose or not was yet to be determined. Although the dress did wonders for his hormonal teenage mind, it did nothing for her poor alabaster skin, the freckles on her collarbone were clearly visible from being in the sun. Oh, how many nights he'd imagined tasting every one of them...

"So, do you want it or not?"

He blinked out of his lust filled reverie, "Pardon?"

Lily sighed, "Do you want your birthday present or not?"

Her tone came out a tad harsher than intended, but he was always staring off into space. Even when they had been best friends she would talk and sometimes it was like he would see right through her, not even listening, just taking in whatever he had been thinking about.

As subtly as she could, she looked at him. A year and a half had definitely done him good, she realized then that she couldn't even remember the last time that she had actually _looked _at him. He had to have added a few more inches to his already tall frame, it inevitable made him appear even more lanky, but she could tell if she looked hard enough that he had gained some muscle, how was another story altogether, one she knew that she wouldn't get the answer to. His dark hair was a bit longer and fell around him in inky black strands, just as they always had, and his face was more defined now. But his eyes, no matter how guarded, just looked so tired and worn; eyes that a man beyond his seventeen years should have. But, those were the thoughts, and cares, and worries of a best friend and she no longer had to deal with those anymore. She couldn't help the slight pang in her chest at the thought.

Severus looked almost confused for a moment, why on Earth would she have gotten him a birthday present when she hadn't said as much as two words to him in a little over a year? Of course he had gotten her something on her birthday, he loved her after all.

_No._

He mentally berated himself, _loved_, as in past tense. How could he love someone who hated him so? He had no idea what to say, he wanted to be nice, speak gently, eyes yearning like he used to speak to her, only to her. Lily was the exception to all his rules he had ever made for himself, broke every standard he promised he would keep, but he wasn't going to think of that now, he couldn't. He hardened himself back up, using every ounce of the Slytherin power he gained over the last six years, God knew he'd needed it against her. With her wide eyes and her plush lips...

He cleared out his throat.

"Look, I got you this a long while ago, but I wanted to save it till you came of age." She put her satchel down on the grass and leaned down to retrieve whatever it was.

"I don't want your pity Evans." He wasn't quite sure why he was so angry, all he knew was that she was bothering him, all this irked him to his core, and he had no idea why.

"Its not pity, its a genuine gift. Trust me, your not worth my pity, or anything else of mine for that matter."

He stood and folded his arms over his chest, "Oh, come off your high horse Evans and stop being such a stuck up bitch."

She lifted her head from where it had been gazing down into her bag, "I'm a stuck up bitch?" Her voice rose. "Oh, that's just rich coming from the boy who follows around a Malfoy all day."

"Well, it's better than following around Potter!"

"Don't even bring James into this." She growled out, her bright eyes narrowing.

"Oh, I see. So it's okay for you to talk shit about my friends, but I can't say anything about your _precious_ James?"

"I don't recall bringing Airabella into this did I? And you know damn well that James is ten times the man Malfoy will ever be."

Severus gave an open laugh, cold and sarcastic. "So Lily, when James fucked you did you happen to hit your head and lose your long term memory? 'Cause if I do recall correctly, a good majority of those bruises weren't just from my Father."

Lily turned her head away from his yelling face, "This was a stupid idea, I shouldn't have come." She turned as if to leave and he stalked over towards her, she stopped dead in her tracks at his next words.

"That's right Lily, run away, run away from all your problems. Go on, run to your perfect home, to your perfect family. See, that's your real problem, you're so naive. You love to save people but you don't have the bullocks to face the problems they come with."

Lily turned around slowly and looked up at him, he was red in the face, his chest heaving. "Severus," She said his name so _gently_. "Go home."

He grabbed her upper arm with just slightly too much force, "Why?"

She sighed, "Because you're no longer my problem and I don't have the energy to deal with this anymore." She turned to leave once again, but he just gripped her arm tighter.

"So your saying that I was a problem?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."

She knew he was dangerously close to losing it, and a fury-driven Sev was never a good thing, but she just couldn't help it. He was being ridiculous, and it made her want to yell at him. Severus was a God at controlling his emotions, but around her it seemed all of his control flew out the window, and all his reason with it.

"You know what, Lucius was right. All mudbloods are the same; stuck up and stupid."

"And you wonder why were not friends anymore." She threw his hand off her arm, almost like it burnt her, "Malfoy is an ignorant bigot who wouldn't know real class if it bit him one the ass, and you..." She paused, "Severus, why don't you just go home?" she snorted. "If you could even call it that." She could see his fists clenching and his jaw tighten. "Go on, run home, to the parents that hate you almost as much as they hate eachother."

Lily felt faint pain in her cheek as she stumbled backwards to the ground. She raised a hand to her bruised cheekbone as she looked up at him through thick lashes, she could see those dark eyes glaze over in a watery daze. She had crossed a line, they both knew it.

"Shut up!"

She stood up, stepping toward him. "Sev..."

"Shut up! Just, _shut up_!"

Severus knelt down to where she was planted on the ground, pushing her back against the earth. Lily felt fear from the initial slap, but now she felt sorrow for what she had caused. He kept her pinned there with his hands against her shoulders, his thumbs grazing her collarbone accidentally, which caused goosebumps to erupt over her skin. This, of course, went unnoticed by Severus, who when in this state was oblivious to everything but his own anger.

"What gives you the right Lily? Huh? What gives you the right?" His voice sounded raw, full of emotion, pain and rage.

"Severus Tobias Snape. _Let_. _Me_. _Go_." She pronounced every word as though he was a small child. He gripped her shoulders a little tighter, his eyes held so much anger and pain behind the mask he liked to think she didn't know about.

"Give me one good reason why I should."

Lily knew she had to catch him off guard, do something he wouldn't expect, before this situation got worse. He was in a fit, and against most reasonable comprehension at the moment. She knew in her heart that her Sev would never hurt her, but this wasn't her Severus anymore. It didn't help that she had only seen him get like this twice before: Once, when his father had beat him up real good, then locked him out. And the day he had called her a Mudblood in front of everyone. Two not so pleasant times.

So, without really thinking it through, she tangled on hand in his long hair, and placed the other on his cheek, and pressed her soft lips to his. Lily felt him stiffen for a moment then relax before he started responding to the kiss, she licked at his lower lip, hoping that this would coax his mouth open, it had.

He felt as though his mouth was burning. This of course was not their first kiss, no, their first kiss had been awkward and lasted about three seconds when they were eleven. This wasn't his first kiss either, he had shared many a kiss with his girlfriend Airabella, and he was sure she had kissed Potter. But this, this was the kiss he had yearned for since he was nine, he felt all the blood pumping in his veins rushing to the spot below his belt buckle. Never had he shared a kiss that was so...intense.

Lily felt as though every nerve ending in her body had short circuited, electricity ran throughout her body. She was enjoying this way to much. The way his long hair felt wounded through her fingers, the way his soft mouth moved against hers, the way his broad chest felt against her small hands...

Then realization hit her like a fright train.

She was snogging Severus Snape, her eyes blinked open as she pushed him off her. Being caught off guard, he fell to the ground with a thud and he watched Lily's pale eyes widened as she placed a hand over her bruised lips. She stood and he looked up at her from where he sat splayed on the ground, he was sure that in this moment, some universal irony was at play, but Lily could see something shinning in his eyes, something she was sure she'd seen before.

"What," His breathing was still labored slightly and he never tore his gaze from her own. "Afraid that Potter will find out you kissed the Snivellus Snape?"

The hand on her lips dropped away, she shook her head, trying to keep her tears at bay. He watched as she turned from him to storm away, a stab in his chest sent him reeling and he was mad at her that he couldn't stop the ache. She stopped short, turning slowly to glance at him from over her shoulder. "What happened to you?"

"I grew up."

She let out a sigh and shook her head sadly, "No, you just grew bitter." She turned back around and kept walking without another word.

He sighed and looked around the clearing, "Shit." He stood and wiped the dirt off his pants, it wasn't until then that he noticed the green satchel. He picked it up and made his way home, contemplating what to do with her bag and keeping his mind away from what had just transpired.

Severus walked inside the old house and shut the door behind him, he didn't bother locking it, it was too early for his Father to be home from the bar. He made his way into the livingroom, his little brother Levi lying on the worn couch, listening to the wireless. He sat up and looked at Severus as he strut into the room.

"Hey Sev, I didn't even know you left." He readjusted his glasses. "Where did you go?"

Severus stopped by the stairs, turning to face his younger brother, Levidicous couldn't have been more different from him if he tried. Levi, as he liked to be called, wasn't as tall as Sev, but just as thin. His hair was a lighter shade of brown, matching their Father's, and was cut at odd angles ultimiatly giving him a permenant bedhead. His glasses weren't rounded or wire rimmed like Potter's, but they covered his hazel eyes nontheless.

Severus glanced down at the worn carpet on the stairs, "Out."

Levi looked at him strangely. "Where?"

Severus sighed in frustration, only wanted to go be alone and raid Lily's bag. "Does it matter?"

Levi looked away from his brother's angry eyes, "No." Severus turned once again to go up the stairs when Levi decided to talk, once again. "Gram flooed today."

He was at the base of the stairs, not bothering to face his younger brother, "And?"

"And, she wants us to visit before the school term starts."

He sighed and ran his free hand through his long hair. "I dunno Lev, you know how Gram's been sick and you know how Tobias has been lately. I don't want to leave Mum alone with him like that."

Levi's face fell, his arms opened wide at his sides. "We leave her alone all year when were at school!"

"Exactly."

"But Sev, come on! I miss Gram and she misses us! Besides you and I both know shes going to die soon, and I for one, would like to see her before that happens."

"I'll think about it."

"But Sev - "

"Tobias!" Levi's mouth fell shut, his eyes wide at his brother's rage. "I said, I'll think about it."

Levi didn't say anything more, he knew Severus must be super upset or extremely pissed about something to use his first name like that. Ever since he was born he had hated his name, Tobias Levidicous Snape. He couldn't really ever recall Sev calling him Tobias, unless he was for real pissed. He has always called him by his middle name, as did everyone else. Anyone they were friends with, who knew their situation, knew how much they despised their father, if one could really call him that. People had seen the cuts, the bruises, they knew the truth but no one would ever say a word. Severus had gotten good at hiding them, which was a hard feat to accomplish, seeing as he took most of the blows for him and their Mother. But, this was Severus' last year, he was of age, after his year they all knew Tobias was going to kick him out. And Levi knew that it would be his turn to protect their Mother, he tried not to think about those things though, he was still young, only fourteen.

Severus watched his brother's eyes glaze over in thought, he stalked up the stairs and went straight to his room. He placed the satchel down on his bed and sat down at his desk chair, staring at it. He wasn't exactly sure what he was suppose to do, he had wanted to just rip the bag open and let the contents spill where they may. Now, once he had the chance to do so, he wasn't so sure if that was the best plan of action. His fingers were itching to go through whatever was in that bag, what did she have in there? Then he remembered the reason for their meeting, his birthday present was in there.

He stood, inching toward the bed, he had a purpose to go through her things, he needed to get his present out. Or, atleast, thats what he kept telling himself. He stopped at the edge of his bed, picking up the bag he unlatched the front and tipped it upside down. Things came tumbling down on his bedspread and he gave the bag a final shake before putting it aside. He sat down on the head of his bed, against the headboard and started sorting out the contents of her bag. He found Lily's makeup, which only consisted of mascara and a tube of red lipstick, a couple of pens, a pencil, some letters from friends, a bracelet that he had made for her when they were thriteen. He picked it up and studied it, it was made from hemp, little multicolored stones they had found in the river woven into it. The ends were frayed from years of use, almost breaking, the stones scuffed from Lily banging it against stuff. He placed it aside for now and kept going, he found a chocolate frog, a box of assorted gummy candies, a red box with a silver ribbon on it, and a small book of poems that he had also given her for her birthday one year. He opened the book and turned to fifty-seven, the dried out lily he had placed in there still sat on the page.

He picked up the decayed flower and held it to his nose for a moment, the fragrence was still there, faint but he could still smell it. He placed the flower back into the book, running his long fingers over the words of one of her favorite poem. He read it to himself, _Resume_;

_Razors pain you,_

_Rivers are damp;_

_Acids stain you,_

_and drugs cause cramp;_

_Guns aren't lawful,_

_Nooses give;_

_Gas smells awful,_

_You might as well live._

He shut the book, placing it on the pile to the side of him and picked up the only remaining item; the small red box with a silver ribbon. He pulled the ribbon out of the bow, letting it fall off the box and onto his lap, he then pulled the top off and looked inside. Laying nestled in the tissue paper was a ring, a simple silver ring. It almost looked like a wedding band, he picked it up out of the box and brought it closer to his eyes. Etched in the silver was a green serpent that went around band, its head stopped before meeting its tail, the mouth open like it was attempting to eat it, but in the space between the head and the tail was _S.S_. carved in black. He rang his fingers over the indentations of the snake and the letters, a thoughtful look came into his eyes.

He held it flat on his hand and noticed an inscription on the inside; "_Tis true it is that we have seen better days and there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." To HBP Love your best friend L.E. _

He closed his fist around the ring and bowed his head, God, how he missed her. None of this was right, she was his only friend for years, no one liked him, not even the kids in his own house. Then he accidentally called her something horrid in a fit of rage, making her stop talking to him, and now he had a girlfriend, a group of friends, albeit Slytherin friends, and scores high enough to make him Head Boy for the up coming year. How was that logical? He had to lose the most important thing to him, to gain what he had always wanted.

He slipped the ring onto the ring finger of his right hand, he knew it was charmed to fit on any finger he wanted. He started placing all of Lily's belongings back in her bag, one by one he dropped them in there, deciding at the last minute to keep the poem book out. He placed the satchel on the floor next to his bed and pulled off his t-shirt to get comfortable. It was uncommonly hot because of the heat wave and being their family, they didn't have an air conditioner. Times like these him and Lily would go down to the river to cool off, to lay beneath the weeping trees in an attempt to evade the sun. They would race each other to the little island in near the center of the lake, sitting there for hours as they dove in and collected rocks from the bottom.

Laying down on his bed, he picked up the small book and begun to read the poems he hadn't heard in the longest time.

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A/N: Please review! It really does help, and with the tragedy that was having my story actually removed from the site, losing everthing it had gained, well, it would certainly make me feel better. I love all of you!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here's chapter two everyone! This one is mostly the same for those of you who have read this before. Thank you all so much for the support, the reviews and the PMs about this story, it means so much to me. There are pictures of these characters on my profile, as I'm sure some of you remember, so if you're interested they're there. Also, I'd love to know what you all think, it can be about anything. Thanks all!

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She played idly with her silverware, vaugly listening to Dumbledore's yearly speach. Her head leaned on her left hand, which was propped up by her elbow, her long red hair spilled over her arm in a flurry of twists and waves. Her eyes were wide, disfocused with a far off look in them. She couldn't get him out of her mind, the summer encounter between them had always made her logical head spin in circles. She hadn't known exactly why it was so important to her that she give him his gift. There were other ways of making sure he got it, yet she had wanted to give it to him in person. She supposed it was the little girl still inside her that yearned for her best friend. She had known him since she was about nine, they had been friends for years. She knew their falling out hadn't just been about what he called her, her feelings about his dorm-mates had been long coming. She just wished that they could sit down and talk, talk about anything and everything. But that ship had sailed and she knew it, he was different now and so was she. Physically, they weren't all that different, it was mentally she was worried about. To everyone else he was the same Snivellus Snape he had been two years ago, the silent intellectual with a sarcastic tounge and loner nature. But, she knew the truth, and he had proved it to her over the summer, she still had a faint bruise on her cheekbone to prove it.

He was angry, angry and spiteful.

He was more hostile than he had ever been, more sarcastic and talkitive. He didn't have alot of friends, he never had, but now he surrounded himself with the worst ones. Lucius Malfoy was a handome, arrogant prick that could rivil James in the vindictive factor. He was also Severus' best friend. They had been close before, but now they were closer than ever.

She glanced up from her gaze at the tablecloth and redirected it across the room at the Slytherin table. Her eyes fell upon him almost instantly, he sat on the side of the long tables facing her. His shoulders haunched over as he read a book, not listening to a word around him. His long hair fell over his face like a curtin, but she could see his dark eyes moving rapidly over the text.

She moved her gaze from him to the girl who was sitting uncommonly close to him, Airabella Roth. She sat daintily at the table, chatting with Narcissa Black who sat across from her. Her hair wasn't long but a medium length, cut into choppy layers and black like her soul Lily was sure, her skin was almost as pale as Lily's, her eyes were a dark crystalline blue, frammed with dark liner. She was unnaturally thin and Lily was convinced she hadn't always been so. And, she was Severus' girlfriend.

Lily didn't like the girl. She was rude, and bitchy, and Lily couldn't fathom what Sev saw in a girl like her. He had always complained to her about the girls in his house and how ridiculous they could be, how petty and vindictive and materialistic. What she couldn't grasp was why he was now dating one. She watched as Airabella laughed loudly at something Narcissa said, Sev just shook his head and rolled his eyes.

Narcissa and Lucius, now they were a pair, rich, blond, pureblood. Narcissa was beautiful, in a aristocratic sort of way. Her long blonde hair was pulled up in a delicate french braid, a light blue ribbon woven in with her hair. She was pale and petite, dainty and thin. Her blue eyes were cold and her blond brows in a perfect arch, if Lily didn't know any better she'd think Lucius was her brother, with the same blond hair and cold grey eyes. They made a perfect match, he was the outspoken one and she was reserved, they were both undeniably rich, and somehow they were both good friends with Severus.

Adam Avery, Darrien Zambini, and Mathew Parkinson sat with them as well. Regulus Black and the younger LeStrange sat next to the boy to the right of Sev. She knew that out of all of them, he was only really friends with Darrien and Regulus, and that he hated all of their girlfriends. How did she know this? The younger boy sitting next to Sev, with the glasses and awkward haircut, Levi Snape. Lily had always enjoyed Levi's company, in a little brother sort of way. It was just her and Petunia, she didn't have any younger siblings so she kinda adopted Levi as her own. When she and Sev stopped talking, she had for a while stopped talking to Levi as well, that didn't last long though. Last year she would meet him in the Library and help him study, she would ask about their Mother and he would tell her everything he knew she wanted to know. Severus never knew of course, he had forbid Levi to go near Lily after he came to terms with the fact that she wasn't going to accept his apology.

He caught her gaze and smiled at her, his hands were under the table, his shoulders haunched just like his brother's. Maybe it was just a Snape gene, or maybe Levi just wanted to be like his brother. She smiled back at him and winked, at which he blushed and shyly looked away. She knew he had some form of crush on her, he had ever since he was old enough to know what those feelings meant. She thought it was cute, Sev never did though, she never knew why...

She heared her name being called and she looked away from a blushing Levi to find everyone staring at her, including Dumbledore, who only smiled. She stood and he continued on to call Severus' name as well, he stood and they locked eyes, unable to look away.

"Hogwarts, meet your new Head Boy and Girl. Thank you, Mr. Snape, Miss Evans. You may sit."

Claps and whispers errupted from the Great Hall but Lily couldn't help the blanched look that crossed her face at Dumbledore's words, she sat as instructed, but still keeping Sev's eye. She hadn't known he was Head Boy, she just expected it to be Remus, or James, hell even Malfoy, but never Severus. He quriked an eyebrow at her and she took a breath before shaking her head and shrugging. He tilted his head to the side and raised both his brows in a knowing look, she looked away and sighed before looking directly at him with an apology in her pale eyes. It was strange, how they hadn't spoken as friends in two years, yet could still read each other so easily. They could slip right back into talking without words, only glances and faical expressions, and understanding what each meant.

Without talking he had asked her what, and she had replied with a nothing, never mind. He proceeded to tell her he knew something was bothering her and she came back with an apology at her shock. Levi looked between the two of them, back and forth, it was just like old times when he wouldn't leave the room but they had so much to say. He would sit there and watch them talk with their eyes, having whole conversations without words. Yes, it was just like old times, he couldn't understand a lick of it, but it was normalcy all the same.

The feast appeared before them, the shocked first years always proved to be a laugh as everyone tucked in. Remus nudged her and she broke her contact with Severus, he began congratulating her on getting Head Girl, Alice sat across from her and did the same. James who sat on her other side was a bit bitter he didn't win Head Boy, and sat pouting angrily as he played with his food. Lily ignored him, even though he was her boyfriend, she couldn't bring herself to feel sorrow at his loss. Instead she felt a strange mixture of excitment and fear, her heart began to beat a little faster and her stomach flip flopped. She would be living, alone, with Sev, for a whole year. She found as much as she should be dissapointed about this fact, angry even, she couldn't, she felt...

"So Lily, what's your first act as Head Girl? Oh, please, let me get away with hexing atleast one Slytherin, please!"

Lily rolled her eyes at Sirius' immaturity. "Uh, no Black. I'm not letting you get away with hexing a Slytherin, or a first year, or a Slytherin first year." She watched as he closed his mouth and grinned at her sheepishly. "And because I'm Head Girl, I'm going to make sure you boys stay in line this year."

"Here, here!"

She smiled at Alice, her best friend. She told Alice everything, even after the whole mudblood ordeal, she understood why she couldn't bring herself to completely hate Sev. Alice had been by her side the whole time, the smaller girl was like her other half, Lily didn't know what she'd do without her.

"Oh, shut up Perricot."

"Sod off Black."

They glared at eachother for a moment before Sirius' face broke into a smile and Alice playfully rolled her eyes and looked toward Lily again. "So, Alice, how is Frank?"

Alice smiled brightly at the thought of her fiancee. "He's good, he got a flat over the summer and he's in auror training right now."

Now the Marauders were intrested, especailly James and Sirius, "Has he told you anything about it?"

"Did he say if he likes it?"

"Is it hard?"

"Have they caught any of those Death Eater guys yet?"

Alice laughed at the bombardment of questions and begun to answer them all and relay the imformation about Auror training to the awaitng boys. Lily had tuned out by then and focused on the last question asked. This man who called himself 'Voldemort' had started appearing, muggleborns started dying, and mysterious men in skull masks called themselves Death Eaters. They were the cronies of this so called 'Voldemort', who the papers had began to dub 'He who must not be named', she heard others in school call him 'The Dark Lord'. She knew most of them were Slytherin's, Levi had even told her that this Dark Lord had started recruiting Hogwarts graduates. That was one of the reasons she hadn't wanted Sev to hang around with the kids in his house, the exact reason. She knew he would get sucked in deeper to the dark world of Voldemort and the greed and chaos that followed it.

"I dunno, it sounds way to sketchy for me. The plan doesn't even sound that plausible, what do you think Lily."

She turned at the sound of James' voice. "Uh, sure."

He gave her a confused look. "You have no idea what we were just talking about, do you?"

She giggled sheepishly as a flush came over her cheekbones, "Sorry, I'm just tired is all." He smiled that charming, James Potter smile of his and wrapped his arm around her waist, effectively pulling her closer, and leaning her head against his shoulder. He dropped a kiss on her lips and everyone around them smiled.

"Well, dinner's almost done and all you have to do is direct the flow of traffic and then you can go get some sleep."

She looked up into his hazel eyes and forced a smile. When had she ever had to force a smile at James? Everyone looked upon them as the Golden couple, every girl wished they could have James Potter, the reformed James anyway. He had stopped pulling pranks and being mischevious with the Marauders for the most part. He had done it to win her over, along with being less of an arrogant toe-rag. She knew James wanted to marry her, he wanted to make love to her, they hadn't done anything too physical even though they had been dating for almost a year. James didn't push her, even though Sirius did, and she was fine with that. She wasn't sure what she was waiting for, it wasn't marrige, she wasn't a prude like Petunia who wouldn't have sex with her fiancee Vernon until they were married. And it wasn't because she didn't want to, because she did, she was a healthy seventeen year old girl, she had urges and needs. She just, didn't feel like acting them out with James, well most of them.

She had told Alice this, who had said that maybe James just wasn't 'The One'. Of course every girl dreams of 'The One', the one who will steal her first kiss, the one who will make passionate love to her, the one who would take her heart and never give it back, the one who will marry her and make everything perfect. Every girl dreams of what he would look like, handsome was always thrown in there as well as charming. James was all that and more, he was handsome and charming, protective and strong, brave and sweet. She didn't understand why James wouldn't be her 'The One'.

_'Because he's smart but not intellectual, he's charming but not always sincere, he's protective but also posessive, and he doesn't understand you the way you need to be understood.'_

Her subconcious reered its ugly head, whether she wanted its opinion or not. Her inital reaction to that was to be appalled, yet as she looked deeper, she couldn't help but feel that somehow, it was right. James was the perfect boyfriend, but maybe he wasn't the boy for her. She could see her life with him, fighting for the greater good, using the skills they learned from the teachers who loved them so. She could see them living in a big house with a child or two, flying brooms in the backyard, and she would be happy. But, was that perfection really what she needed? She needed to be pushed, she needed to be irrational at times, could James actually do that for her, or would he expect the Lily that she pretended to be...

Sev watched her look away when Lupin had nudged her, she smiled that brillaint smile when he had congratulated her, he wondered if she would still smile like that if she knew what Lupin really was. He looked at the people that surrounded her, Potter to her left, Lupin to her right, Perricot across from her and Black next to the blond. He knew Alice Perricot was her best friend, they had been good friends when they were still talking, Alice was a nice girl, sweet, innocent. Her boyfriend Frank Longbottom had graduated the year before, off to become an Auror, like the world needed more of those, but Longbottom had always been relatively civil with him, he had liked the bloke. Out of all the people that Lily hung around with, he found he could enjoy Alice's company the best, he couldn't stand the marauders, or the McDonald girl that she used to share a dorm with. Alice was, nice. She wasn't judgemental and had even urged Lily to talk to him that night outside her common room.

He watched as a angry pout came over Potter's face, he was stupid for being angry, they had got the letters over the summer break, Head letters came with the normal school letters. He should've known when it wasn't in there that he wasn't getting Head Boy, besides he should be happy for Lily, his, he wanted to choke at the word, girlfriend was one of the most talented witches in school! Not to mention beautiful, he stopped himself before his thoughts went any further. He glanced to his left, seeing the black haired beauty, why couldn't he just focus on her instead of Lily?

'_Because your not in love with her...'_

As much as he hated to admit it, his subconcious was right. He wasn't in love with Airabella, he didn't think he would ever be in love with her. She was manipulating, and bitchy, and dangerous, but for some reason she liked him and he needed to get his mind off Lily. He took a deep breath at the thought, she made a flurry of emtions run through him, emotions that he held very strictly under lock and key, she brought out with a simple look or word. God, she was going to be the death of him.

The feast dissapeared and everyone was full and happy, chatting idly and smiling at the prospect of a new year. Dumbledore stood and wished them all a good year and a good night, looking to Lily and Severus, letting them know to stick around. Lily stood with the prefects, as did Severus, and made her way over to the door.

"First years, your fifth year prefects will take you to your common rooms." She yelled over the crowd of kids, looking to Severus who nodded for her to continue. "Remember, a prefect in the front and a prefect in the back, we don't want another Nigel incedent okay." The prefects waved her off as they called all first years to come foward, all the other houses walked out talking loudly and laughing. "And sixth year prefects, please direct the flow of traffic and make sure they all get to their common rooms!"

She shook her head as she walked over to where Severus stood by the Professors table, waiting with Dumbledore. He leaned against the riser, his hands tucked into the pockets of his standard black pants, his sweatervest was nowhere to be seen, so his Slytherin tie stood out against the stark white of his Oxford. His head was bowed down slightly, letting his hair hang in his face, but his eyes were looking up connected with her's. She left like the Great Hall was never endning, and she almost didn't want it to. That flip flopping his her stomach cam back, her heart was beating fiercely in her chest, she was nervous but excited.

She reached the pair and Severus stood up right, turning to face Dumbledore, effectively ignoring her. She felt a little put off by this, he stares at her so intensely one minute, then ignores her the next? She sighed as Dumbledore smiled that them, looking over his glasses, a twinkle of knowing in his blue eyes. "Come, I'll show you where you'll be staying this year."

He took them through a door behind the Professors table, down a few hallways, through two doors, then finally up a flight of stairs, rambling on about some new candy he discovered that tasted exactly like Bumbleberries. Lily had looked at Sev, who had just shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. They stopped at a portait of two children playing in a feild of daffodils, "The password is, 'Pheonix Feathers'." the portrait swung open, revealing their common room. They stepped in, Dumbledore behind them and he went to stand by the fireplace. "This is your common room, the door to the left is Severus' and the door to the right is Lily's. You may choose your own passwords or use a simple charm if you wish. The one in between in the bathroom and there are doors on either sides to get in."

Severus glanced at lily, her long legs seemed to flow out of her skirt, which ended a little past mid-thigh. Generally girls wore knee high stockings and their mary janes, or black thigh highs and heels like the Slytherin girls, but Lily's legs were bare and on her feet were her ratty old trainers. He found that he liked that better, his eyes traveled up her thin hips to the curve of her breast, her standard grey vest, Gryffindor tie, and white blouse. Her long red hair was falling all about her, naturally curling down her back; He was suppose to share a bathroom with that?

"Well I'll leave you two to it. Breakfast starts at its usual time, you should probably have the first Prefects meeting soon to go over scheduals, and if you need me the password is Bumbleberry."

He looked at the two teens before him with a knowing smile, they stood awkwardly looking around the room. A Slytherin and a Gryffindor had never been Heads at the same time, he knew that this was going to be for the greater good. This is what the school needed, unity in this time of strange. With Voldemort on the rising and his ranks growing wilder, he knew it was only a matter of time. A war was coming, he wasn't blind, he knew most of the Slytherin graduates with prodominate backrounds were being accepted into Tom's army. Maybe, just maybe he could cause a change amongst the Slytherins and the other houses, a good change. As he looked upon these two young adults, he knew they could change it. If he could help Lily Evans pull Severus Snape out of the darkness, it would only be a matter of time before he could pull others out too. It just had to start somewhere, and that somewhere was Lily Evans and Severus Snape.

They hadn't realized he'd gone, they were to caught up in looking around the room and attempting to avoid eye contact that he had snuck out easily. Lily was the first to realized his dissapearence, "Hey, where did he go?"

Severus looked around, but knew when Dumbledore wanted to leave, he could without a puff of smoke. Severus didn't trust the old man as far as he could throw him, but he pretended to for his own sake. He sighed, sitting down on the couch, "He obviously left."

She glared at him for where she stood, "Why thank you for that brillaint deduction."

He shrugged a broad shoulder, "Well, you're the one who asks stupid questions."

She clenched her jaw as she moved away from him, she walked over to the door with 'H.G.' written in gold. She pushed it open and walked it, turning the lights on with her wand. The room itself was big, with large windows on the wall opposite her. There was a window seat, with burgnady pillows and white lace drapes covering them, a vanity with a large mirror on the wall to the left of her, her queen sized four poster was on the right wall, and dressers along the wall where her door was. The carpet was golden, as were the trimmings on everything else, it was obviously decked in Gryffindor colors and she vaugely wondered if Sev's room was the same. She walked over to he door next to her vanity, it was open and she knew it lead into the bathroom. It was all white tile, blindingly white, two sinks, a large rectangular mirror on the wall above them, a toilet, a large shower stall and a large clawfoot tub that looked like it could easily fit three. Towels were stacked in the cabinet as well as soaps and perfumes, Lily was astounded at the beauty of a simple bathroom. She was standing in the middle of the room when the door across from her opened, Severus walked in, stopping when he saw her.

She caught a glance at his room, green, silver, and black. The carpet was black, his walls were a dark green and his bed was trimmed in black and silver. His voice brought her back to the present, "We're going to have to do something about these doors."

She started talking without thinking, her voice playful. "What, afraid I'm going to see something."

She met his gaze, his eyebrow quirked. "Maybe, you should be as well."

She felt the blush come to her cheeks at his comment, but she refused to let him make her feel that. "Sev, - "

"Lets get something striaght Evans, were not friends, we had our chance and now its gone. We can tolerate each other, we seem to be good at that, but you have your life now and I have mine. Got it?"

She watched him run a hand through his hair, something silver catching the light off the white tile. Her ring! She had left her satchel in the woods that day, forgetting completely about it until later. She had hoped he opened it, remembering, she hoped he had liked it, and here he was wearing it! She wondered if she still had her bag as well, she had her book of poems in there and she missed reading them before she went to sleep.

He watched her mouth drop in shock, before her lush lips formed a perfect smile. Why was she smiling at him, he had just told her basicly to back off and she was smiling at him. "Your wearing it." He gazed at her confusingly for a moment before she took his hand in hers, running her fingers over the silver band her wore on his right hand. Airabella had asked about it, claiming it hadn't been there before the break, he had told her it was a gift from his Gram.

He felt the goosebumps rise over his skin at her touch and he jerked his hand back at the sensation. He avoided her green eyes as her responded, "Yeah, well, - "

"Do you have my bag?"

He nodded and went into his room to retrieve it, he turned to walk back into the bathroom but he found Lily standing by his windows. "Your rooms practically identical as mine."

"Dark, cold, despressing?"

She rolled her eyes playfully at him. "No, I meant the set up." He handed her her satchel, coming to stand beside her. He never thought she'd be this close to him willingly ever again. "Listen, I understand what you said back there. You're right, were not friends anymore, but for some reason I just keep acting like we are." Her gaze was directed out the window, but his was directed on her. "We can be civil, well I know I can, we can do this." She looked up into his eyes and he found he couldn't look away. "I want you to know that I'm sorry, for what I said to you in the clearing. You know I didn't mean it."

He lifted his hand to her cheek, his fingers lightly brushing against the faint bruise on the bone. "I know, I'm sorry I hurt you, it wasn't my intention."

He wasn't sure how long they stood there, staring into each others eyes, his hand on her cheek, her hand on his chest. Neither of them knew what had come over them, Lily was mad at him, for everything he had said and done in the past two years, she was mad at what he called her, that he didn't understand she was upset about other things as well, at the way he acted and treated her. Severus was angey at her for everything as well, the way she slightly smiled at his humiliation, the way she wouldn't accept his apology, how she was dating the prick that put them in this situation, the way she made him feel regardless of the rage he felt toward her.

When they had kissed in the clearing, they both knew it was so she could get him off of her, yet they couldn't help but feel that it had been so right. They hated each other, they hated themselves, they missed each other and neither of them could bare the loneliness any longer. He dipped his head down to meet hers, it was so wrong, they had a boyfriend and a girlfriend, yet all he could think about was her.

"The last time."

She nodded her head in agreement as she lifted her chin to meet his.

Her eyes fluttered closed when she felt his lips descend on hers, it started out chaste, light, like he was nervous to kiss her. She leaned up, effectively pushing their lips harder together. She placed both of her hands on his shoulders, his other hand went to her waist, while the one on her cheek stayed were it was, rubbing the soft flesh of her face tenderly. The hand on her cheek traveled into her red waves, pulling her closer to him, he felt her tug on his bottom lip gently with her teeth, letting his tounge slide into her mouth. It was a moan that brought them back into reality, whose moan it was they didn't know. Severus slowly brought his mouth away from hers, both breathing heavy. Her lips her red and slightly swollen from his kisses, he was sure his looked relatively the same. She reached up and placed one last kiss on his lips before breaking their embrace and walking out of his room, closing the bathroom door behind her as she went.

He sat down on the window seat, running his hands over his face. They honestly didn't like each other, they were mad and angry, yet they couldn't deny the pull. They were never like this before, they had always just been best friends, sure he had dreamed of it being more, but he always thought he was the only one with the lust and desire for his best friend. Would it have always been this way, if he hadn't called Lily a Mudblood and they hadn't stopped being friends, would she still be dating Potter and would he be dating Airabella? Would they kiss passionately in his room and not regret it?

He sighed, getting up from the window seat and pulling off his shirt and tie, stepping out of his black pants, and shutting off the light with his wand. He settled under the comforter of his new bed, attempting to fall asleep and analyze it all tomorrow, because his hazy mind couldn't process it all right then and it was giving him a headache. He wondered how Lily was coping with it at the moment, before he fell into a fitful sleep.

In the next room Lily had shut her door and slid down it, bringing her knees to her chest and laying her head on them. What on earth had possesed her to kiss him back so passionately? She didn't even kiss James with that much vigor and he was her boyfriend. She closed her eyes and sighed, she had temporarily forgotten she had a boyfriend it seemed. She hated Severus, well not entirely but she was still just so angry with him for everything, how could she have such strong feelings of hurt and still kiss him. When they were friends, she knew that Sev might've liked her a little bit, and she had actually began to like him back, not that he knew or anything. Then he had to go and be stupid and call her that vile name in front of the whole school all because he was embarrassed. Sure, he had every right to be, angry and embarrassed, then. Not now, now she didn't know why he hated her so, but he did.

Yet, he was so tender with her. The way he touched her face, spoke softly, eyes yearning, she had never seen him be that way before, not to anyone. Except her, but if he hated her so, then why was he so gentle?

She wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep on the floor, when she opened her eyes it was still dark in her room, the sun had not yet come up. She got up, shrugging off clothes as she made her way to her bed, not bothering with pajamas. Her face hurt, she wasn't sure when she had started crying either, her lips were still slightly swollen and she was sure her green eyes were red. As she fell asleep again, she couldn't help but wonder if Severus was dreaming of her.

If only she knew that he was.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Chapter Three everyone! Thank you so much to all the lovely people that have reviewed and PMed me so far, your support is what keeps this story going. That and my unnatural love for shipping Lily/Sev. Let me know what you all think! Pictures are up on my profile page, next chapter will be up soon enough.

* * *

He stared down at the plate of food he had made up only moments ago, looking at it now he found his appetite gone and relpaced with a sinking feeling he couldn't quite describe. He had woken up in a sweat, the sheets twisted at the bottom of his bed, and the sound of his frantic breathing occupying the room. He had dreamt of her, not for the first time, but of something different. He wasn't sure if it had to do with what happend in his room the night before, he could still feel the way she felt pressed against him, the way her curls tickled his cheek as she pressed her lips harder against his.

He pushed the plate away when Airabella sat down next to him, Lucius across from him and Narcissa sitting beside Levi. She smoothed the hair out of his eyes, tucking it behind his ear. It was a sweet gesture, one he wouldn't normally mind from _her_, but today it just made his problems grow and his thoughts worse. He found himself looking over at the table across the hall, he had left her this morning while she was in the shower, not wanting to have her confront him about what had happend. He knew he wouldn't be able to take it if she told him it was a mistake, now that she was thinking logically. They had both wanted it, he still wanted it, but he would never do anything about it. He was just so...

He stopped to think breifly, what was he? He already knew that he was angry, not just at her, but at everything at the moment. His father, his mother, Dumbledore, Potter and his gang of douches, how no one took him seriously and Airabella for still touching him even after his body had went rigid.

"So, is everyone ready for their first day of classes?"

He looked over to his brother, so innocent, he wished he could keep him that way forever. He clapped Levi on the shoulder, "Course we are Lev." the younger Snape smiled shyly and started eating his breakfast before it was time for the first class.

"So, what do you have first, Snape?"

"Potions."

Lucius smirked, "Me too mate, looks like we're going to be partners." Severus just rolled his eyes, a smirk coming to his lips.

Airabella snatched Severus' schedule from where it was placed in his tattered old Potions book. Glancing it over, she frowned. "Severus! We only have like, two classes together!"

"And that's my fault, how?"

Airabella glared at him while Lucius and Levi snickered. "Shut up you two."

"Why, my dear _Aira_, I didn't say anything at all."

"You know what _Luci_, you better watch it - " The bell sounded for the start of classes, and everyone in the Great Hall stood, still talking loudly, as they made their way out into the halls. Severus grabbed his bag and his book, waiting for Lucius so they could walk to Slughorn's class together. "I'll see you at lunch then?"

He turned to face Airabella, looking her over. She wasn't tall for a girl, she was a normal, acceptable height, her dark hair was pinned back today, all of her face visible. She was an exceptionally attractive girl, with her dark blue eyes and thin red lips. Why couldn't he just be happy with her?

"Yes."

She smiled slightly, leaning up and placing a small kiss on his lips before they parted to walk out of the hall to their seperate classes. He couldn't help but think about the kiss and how Airabella's kisses were never as passionate as Lily's were, how Airabella's lips and body weren't as supple as Lily's and how they never would be. He walked with Lucius down to the lower levels were the Potions classrooms were. The class wasn't full, since it was a year seven advanced class, and it was a multi-house class, instead of the normal two houses there were people from all four. They took a seat in the back, everyone settling in, still talking.

"Ah, Severus my dear boy!"

He looked up to see Slughorn walking over to them, smiling. He clapped a hand on Severus' back, "Good to see one of my most brillant students, good summer I hope."

"Of course, sir."

"Splendid, and of course, good to see you as well Mr. Malfoy. I trust your Father is well."

Lucius smiled his cunning Malfoy smile, the one he resereved for teachers. "It's wonderful to see you again too Sir, and yes, my Father is quite well. Perhaps you could come to the Manor over break sometime, I'm sure my Mother would love to show you her new collection of rare books."

Slughorn's eyes lit up, his smile wider. "I'm sure I could make some time to see old friends such as your parents." He turned his gaze back to Severus, were his hand still resided on his back. "And, of course, you two are still planning to attend the Slug Club?"

They both smiled at the old man, "Of course."

"Splendid!" With a pat on Severus' back he walked over to the front of the classroom, to his desk, where a few bubbling pots brewed. "Everyone gather 'round." He waved his hands over the pots, drawing everyone closer to them. "I'm Professer Slughorn, welcome to Advanced Seventh Year Potions."

Severus' gaze drifted off as Slughorn began his anual speach, he turned his head and caught sight of her red hair. He was suprised when he didn't feel the immediant stab of rage or heat, or any of the usual emotions that came with thinking of Lily. Instead he just felt a calming presence wash over him as he looked at her. She wasn't looking in his direction, she was across the room, standing with Alice, listening intently at what Slughorn had to say. Her long hair was up in a high ponytail, showcasing her slender neck, her bangs parted to one side. Before all this happened, and they were just friends, she made him feel so clam and collected, she just had this way about her. And for the first time in almost two years, he felt that way again. His breathing slowed to a sleepy pace, his body usually so tight, went a bit lax. He felt comfortable.

Lucius nudged him, shaking him from his trance, making the sounds from the room become unbearingly loud once again. "So, to start this year off right I've decided to have a little contest." He went behind the desk, facing the crowd of students, and pointed to the cauldren in the middle. "Now, can anyone tell me what this is?"

Lily tentively raised her hand. It was no suprise to anyone in the class that she would raise her hand, answer every question, get excited over work. So, she learned to let others try and answer the questions first, slowly raise her hand after survaying the room and seeing that no one else had. "Ah, yes Miss Evans come up here, don't be shy."

She walked up to the cauldren, looking in it. "It's Amortentia, or more commonly known as the most powerful love potion in the world. Although, it isn't a love potion really, more of an uncommonly strong infatuation potion." Slughorn watched as her brows knitted in thought. "But sir, didn't we cover Love Potions last year?"

"Why yes we did, but we never actually made one now did we." He winked at her, "Ten points to Gryffindor, thank you Miss Evans." She stepped back into the crowd of seventh years and next to Alice, who was smiling and started whispering to her, "Now who can tell me a little about Amortentia?"

Severus lazily raised his hand. "Its recognizable by its distinctive mother-of-pearl sheen and by the fact that its steam rises in characteristic spirals. The potion smells differently to different people according to what attracts them."

"Thank you Mr. Snape, ten points to Slytherin." He tapped the bored behind him with his wand, and the notes on Amortentia appeared. "Now, Amortentia is one of the hardest potions that we teach here at Hogwarts to brew as it is dangerous. But you all have proven your ablilities for this class and I trust you. So, whoever can brew the best Amortentia in the hour we have left will get a special suprise. You're to work in pairs of two, these pairs will be set for the rest of the year." He tapped the side board with his wand and the list of partners was shown.

Severus sighed.

* * *

"Your still writing in that damn book?"

Her tone was light, almost playful and a small smile settled on her pale lips. She set her stuff down on the desk and sat down in the chair next to him. He knew she was just trying to be civil, liked they had agreed upon, and he realized this was going to be a long year.

"Well, seeing how Amortentia is a year six potion, yes."

She rolled her eyes at him, but the small smile on her lips effectively killing its purpose. "Do you want to get the ingrediants or shall I?"

"Go get them from the storage room and I'll set up the cauldren."

She left with out a witty comeback as he started setting up, what was Slughorn thinking? She came back, arms full of ingrediants and jars, it only took them ten minutes to get into a fight.

"No, no, no, your copping them too big and your suppose to put in nineteen of them! You'll ruin the potion!"

He sighed. "No Lily, the book isn't always right. I've made some corrections - "

"Sev, the book was written by wizards who've invented these potions. Tell me, how is it that you know how to prefect their potions better than them?"

"Lily," He looked at her harshly, while is voice was sugary. "Shut up and stir."

"So tell me, who died and made you the God of seventh year Potions, hmm?"

Before he could reply Slughorn came to their table, checking up on how their potion was coming along. "And how are my two prized students doing?" Oblivious to the angry waves coming off of them, he continued. "Ah, this batch is looking exceptionally well! I knew putting the two of you together would result in great things! Keep it up." He walked away, leaving them alone to tend to the potion.

"Why don't you just sit down Evans and I'll finish this up, or do you want to argue about that as well."

"I'm not about to let you ruin this potion, its both are names on that grade you know."

"Really, Lily, you have that little faith in me."

It was meant to sound sarcastic, yet after he said it he cringed at how pitiful he sounded. Lily shook her head as she continued to stir the Amortentia, watching as it turned a light pink color. "Of course I have faith in your potion ablities Snape, I would be a fool not to." She turned to look at him, "I just don't think your always right."

He didn't say anything after that, he just kept chopping and putting the ingredients into the potions as Lily stirred it. He couldn't help but feel that there was a secret double meaning riddled through out her answer, why did she always make him analyze everything? The potion quickly became the mother of peal sheen they were looking for, making them one of the first pairs done. Lily put some in a large vile and brought it up to Slughorn's desk.

After he called time, Slughorn walked around the room, checking each batch of Amortentia with great care until he made his decision. "You have all done a slpendid job, each potion was almost to prefection and for that I am most proud. But the pair who had the best brew was, not suprisingly, Miss Evans and Mr. Snape." They stood at their desk in the back, everyone turned and clapped, albeit enviously, for them as Slughorn made his way over to them. "You'll have your suprise by next class or so. Now, since your brew was the best, why don't you tell us what you each smell."

They looked at eachother shyly for a moment before Lily leaned over and smelled the Amortentia first. "I smell... old parchement and well worn books, the smell of trees after in rains, cigarette smoke, and cinnimon."

She stepped back and Severus moved foward, leaning in. "A specific kind of laundry soap, asphodels, wet sand, and well used books."

He straighted up and saw Slughorn eyeing them. "Interesting...Now, who else would like to have a go?"

* * *

Lucius ran to catch up with Severus, who bolted from the room as soon as the bell sounded for the next class. He brought his hand to Snape's shoulder, slowing the bloke down to a normal walking pace. "Mate, what's with the sprinting?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to get out of there."

"Yeah, I could see how that was growing a tad uncomfortable. Working with Evans and all...I also doubt that Airabella smells like wet sand mate, but hey, that could be just me."

Severus glared at the shorter boy. "Shut up."

Lucius smirked and slapped Severus' shoulder, shaking it. "You're in it deep mate, now come on, what class do we have next?"

Severus sighed, "Charms."

Lucius chuckled, it was no secret that for some reason, Professor Flitwick did not like Severus. "Hey, maybe you should join the Chorus, maybe then Flitwick will actually give us some house points."

Severus pushed Lucius off him and rolled his dark eyes, "Stop touching me, people are going to start wondering if were gay and I hang around you too much for people to start thinkning that."

Lucius faked a laugh, "Oh, haha, shut up and write a song about it."

"You're just jealous that your mind doesn't have the compactiy to write a decent song."

"Yeah, well, atleast I'm not lusting after a Gryffindor."

Severus growled softly as Lucius began to walk at a much faster pace, attemtpting to keep his Malfoy composure and not laugh at Severus' reaction to that statement. It was never said between the two of them, but Lucius had his suspicions and Severus just unknowingly confirmed them.

He was in love with the mudblood Gryffindor, Lily Evans.

* * *

The old man was too controling, too manipulative. He knew first hand what the man could do, how he always got what he wanted, no matter the cost. He wasn't stupid, he knew Dumbledore suspected something was brewing in his castle, he'd just have to be more careful is all. He turned the picture over in his hand, looking at it once again. New recruitment, Pettigrew was doing his job nicely. Slytherin, after Slytherin, he looked at, all of them pureblooded with strong family backrounds. He already had his eye on more than a few seventh years, Malfoy, Avery, the middle Black sister, the list went on. A few Ravenclaws maybe, with prestigious upbringings, that's as low as he would sink. But this, this was intresting.

He hated them, the whole lot of them, Gryffindors, nothing but blood traitors. What a shame really, all that potential wasted on muggle-loving pricks. Or mudbloods themselves. He flipped the picture over once again, reading the information written on the back,

_Lily Evans_

_Age: 17_

_Exceptional in Charms, as well as Potions._

_House: Gryffindor_

_Year: Seventh_

_Muggleborn_

Normally, he wouldn't even look at the picture of the young girl in front of him, but Pettigrew had expressed a great interest in the girl. She was quite pretty for a mudblood, her hair was long and red, her skin fair and delicate, just waiting to be bruised. Maybe he would keep this one as his pet, he could break her, strip her of her Gryffindor values, untaint her blood, maybe after she could prove herself worthy of fighting in his army. Pettigrew had told him of her exceptional skills in Charms and Potions, how she was at the top of their class. If only her blood wasn't tainted, she would be perfect. He stared long and hard at it, before placing in the pile next to him. He would consider it.

Picking up another picture he smirked, now this was something he could use.

* * *

She sat in the back of the classroom, for once he sat in front of her and not behind. She hadn't realized how many of the same classes they were taking and how many classes she actually had with the Slytherins. He was slid down in his chair, giving the people behind him a chance to actaully see the board. That was one of the reasons he sat in the back alot, because of his height. She watched as he brought a hand up to scratch the back of his neck, the silver band catching the light.

She had been so excited when she found out he was wearing it, she had gotten it the summer before their fifth year, but she wanted to wait and give it to him for when he came of age, making it extra special. If anyone had told her at the beginning of her fifth year, that Severus and her would no longer be friends, she would've personally escorted them to Madame Pomfery and asked that they be checked into St. Mungo's for evaluation.

She realized now, more than anyone, that things changed. And, not always for the better.

But still, he was wearing it, even after the kiss, he didn't take it off. What could that possibly mean? Alice nudged her, whispering, "Lily, you were gazing again. What's on your mind?"

She looked at Alice, her best friend. Alice was a small girl with light blonde hair that curled at her shoulders, she was uncommonly kind and understanding, it was a wonder how she put up with Lily. "Nothing Alice, nothing at all."

"Are you sure? Is it about what happened in Potions today?"

"What do you mean?"

Alice kept Lily's gaze, "Well, you know, being partners with Snape after...the ki - "

"Alice, shhh."

She looked down sheepishly, "Sorry, but, is it?"

Lily sighed, "Not exactly." Alice looked at her expectantly, "It's more of what I smelt during Potions thats disturing me." Lily watched as Alice's expression turned confused. "What did you smell Alice?"

"Sandelwood, cotton t-shirts, and grass stains."

"Exactly, you smelled Frank because you love him and that's what you yearn for. I, on the other hand, didn't smell anything Quiddatch related, or anyting pine. I didn't smell the distinctive aftershave or wool sweaters laced with gingerbread, because that's what his Mother always sends him. I didn't smell him at all."

"Who?"

"James."

Lily's whispering voice grew exasperated at that fact, and Alice realized for the first time what her best friend had been trying to subtly tell her for the past seven years. She was in love with Severus Snape, and she didn't even know it.

"What did you smell then?"

Lily thought for a moment, closing her eyes, recalling those smells and the memories they triggered. "I smelt, books, trees after it rained, smoke from a cigarette, and cinnimon."

Alice watched as she opened her eyes, her brows furrowed, a frown tugging at her plush lips. It was then Alice asked the question she had been dreading, "Why?"

"Because...because I love books, and I read them over and over again. Because when we were kids we would sit in the clearing, surrounded by trees and it always smelt so distinctly after it rained, the scent was etched into our clothing. Because he's honestly the only person I know that smokes, the scent was just ingrained into his natural one. Because my Mother always uses Cinnimon when she bakes around the holidays, and that was the only time I ever saw him comfortable in my home."

There was a silence after that, a silence that let Alice soak in the information and let Lily actually think about what she had said and the manings behing it.

"Lily...you can hate him as much as you want for what he said to you, for his choice of company. But, it looks like no matter how hard you try, he's always going to be apart of you and you're not going to easily forget him." She watched Lily's gaze become confused as it stared off somewhere else and her shoulders slouched. "Maybe it's because you've finally come to terms with what happened that day, or maybe it's just because you miss him dearly, but Lily, you smelt _him _in Amortentia. Some part of you loves him and it's coming out."

The bell sounded for the end of class and the start of lunch, Alice stood, watching as Lily picked up her stuff in a daze and headed out of the classroom. Alice sighed, it was something she needed to hear, no one else could see it but Alice sure could. James Potter was slowly becoming the wrong choice for Lily Evans, and the last person everyone thought was becoming the right one.

* * *

A/N: Uh oh, little Voldie action happening, get ready for more, theres a little bit of a plot bunny buried in with the L/S smut. Review! :]


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey ya'll, here's chapter four, theres some angsty angst coming up ahead, and some lemons in the near future ;] heyy now. And again, thank you to everyone, you all mean so much to me, your helpful words. Please review!

* * *

She had walked through a daze for the rest of the day, her mind muddled and confused, attempting to process the feelings and thoughts that all ended back to the same dark haired Slytherin boy. Even James, as thick headed as he usually was, could tell thats she wasn't herself today. He didn't press her though and she was thankful for that, she wasn't sure she could handle playing cat and mouse with him today.

She walked up to the Head dorms, muttering the password and walking in quickly. She was so involved that when she looked up and saw Severus haunched over the coffee table writing an essay and Airabella practically sitting on his lap, kissing his neck, all she could say was "Sorry." She walked past them, brows furrowed, eyes glazed over in thought, to her room and shut the door softly.

Severus watched her walk in, eyes clouded, lips parted. He had been attempting to write his essay for Charms when Airabella had promptly thrown her legs over his waist and started to kiss his neck. He wasn't in the mood for it, he didn't want it, his mind and body was stirring for a different witch but still clouded with confusion. Everything about her had been irratating today: the way she walked, her thin hips swinging with more force than need be, the way she checked her nails every thirty seconds out of habbit, the way she babbled about nonsensical things that needn't be talked about ever. She was just getting on his nerves, touching him, chatting loudly, giving offhanded insults about the girl in the next room. And now, while attempting to do his paper for a Professor who already didn't like him, she just wouldn't _stop_.

He hadn't realized he yelled out loud until he felt her stiffen and promptly move off of him in a huff. He watched as she stood up, grabbed her bag and walked from the room, nose in the air, hips still swinging with a ferocity that didn't need to be. He let out a sigh, he was sure going to pay for that one, but he wouldn't beg or grovel for her to come back. She knew it, he knew it, Lucius and her best friend Narcissa knew it, he could do without her but the real question was, could she now do without him?

It seemed odd to him, this whole system with Airabella. They would fight, she would stomp off, he would sigh and do whatever it was he was doing before, then after the alotted amount of time she would return and act as though nothing happened. He just thought it strange, she was the Pureblood, she was the beautiful one that could do so much better than him in most opinion, so why was it that she kept coming back to him? Why did she put up with his omniscient, brooding attitude and snarky remarks, his cold demenor and sarcastic nature? She was pretty, from an old wizarding family, powerful, rich. He was a halfblood from a nothing, abusive family and was in lust or - he hated to admit it - _love_ with a near-perfect muggleborn.

He couldn't help the sneaking suspicion that she was up to something, but that would mean that his best friend was also behind it. And while in theory it wasn't that hard to imagine, he still had a feeling that Lucius wouldn't do that to him, wouldn't go behind his back or sell him out. As foolish as it was, he trusted Lucius, he would trust the blond with his life, with his brother's life. There was just something about Malfoy that he clung to, he was an arrogant git yes, he could be cruel and malicious and had cunning that could rivil his own. But, he was also brillant, funny, and somehow light-hearted, or as light-hearted as a Slytherin and a Malfoy could be anyway. There was almost something whimsical about the seventeen year old, it only showed itself to those exceedingly close to him, Severus was of that lucky few and proud of that small fact.

It was true, none of his current friends had had an easy life so far. Narcissa with her tyrannical family of inbreeds, Regulus with his horrid older brother and power-crazed family, Lucius with his abusive and emotionally detached parents, Darrien with his 'Man-Eater' of a Mother and never staying in one country for too long, and then there was Airabella, with her stunning looks and cunning mind. He couldn't feel sorry for her, the only thing bad that ever happend to her was that he believed her brainwashed, as most of the Pureblooded Slytherin offspring tended to be.

But, that didn't mean that they weren't responsibe for their actions, if that were the case Severus would be like Potter and his marauders, not having to apologise in the very least. He knew the things he said and did her in fact wrong, he paid the price. It was pricks like Potter and Black that thought they could get away with it scott-free, well it was a good thing he was Head Boy this year, atleast something productive would get done about them.

He couldn't help as once again his thoughts drifted to the girl in the next room. If anything Airabella was a good distraction and while she annoyingly distracted him from work that needed to be done, she also distracted him from his ongoing thoughts of Lily Evans. Now all alone with only his essay to boggle his mind, this thoughts turned back to the red head in the next room. He wouldn't go and talk to her, for what would they talk about?

_'Oh, hey Evans, you seem to be populating my thoughts as of late. Perhaps it had something to do with the kisses that seem to just happen around us...or maybe it was the fact that I smelt you in the Amortentia?'_

Yes, that conversation seemed like a perfect way to go about things. He rolled his eyes to himself, effectively defeating the purpose as no one was there to recieve it. He let out a frustrated sigh and attempted to continue on with his essay for Flitwick, he was inclined to ask Evans for help but, well, that wasn't going to happen. Good at Charms or not, he was not stooping that low.

He heard her door open tentively and then she was in front of him in an instant. She looked tired, drained, and he vaugely wondered if it was for the same reasons that he was. He raised an eyebrow at her in questioning.

"Sev - ah - Severus," She corrected herself. "We have that Prefects meeting tomorrow and I figured that we should probably get a head start on the scheduals and the new rules, what were going to say to them, all that stuff."

He nodded his head, "Sure."

She sat down on the floor in front of him, the table separating them. She set down the parchment with all the Prefects names on it down on the table and a blank sheet next to it. "Okay, so what house do you want to start with?"

Severus rolled his eyes, "Surprise me."

"Alright, Hufflepuff. We have Abbott and Stella for Seventh, Gorgio and Trent for Sixth, and Sanchez and O'Connor for Fifth."

"First off, what days do we want what Houses to patroll on?"

Lily nibbled on her bottom lip in thought and Severus tried with all his might not to openly stare. "Well, we could do Hufflepuffs on Mondays/Wednesdays, Ravenclaws on Tuesdays/Thursdays, and Gryffindor can split weekends with Slytherin." He nodded in agreement, it seemed like a sensible plan.

"Okay, now Mondays and Wednesdays...Seventh years partol at night, Fifth years sometime around lunch?"

"That sounds about right...but where do we put the sixth years?"

Severus thought for a moment, "They could...rotate?"

They went on like that for over an hour, creating a schedule for the different houses and the Prefects in it. Suprisingly they didn't fight, not like they had earlier that day. They worked cordially and it went smoothly, he didn't even notice that they had stopped with the schedule and she was now helping him with his essay. When that happened, he wouldn't be able to say but as it was happening, and he found that he wasn't fighting it.

* * *

"Okay so, you all have your schedules, highlighted on your days and times, don't be late or try to skip out because we'll know."

They watched as all the students filed out of the empty classroom that they used for the Prefect meeting, grumbling and gesturing toward their papers. Lily sighed as she began to manually stack the chairs back on the desks.

"Well, that went better than expected."

Severus flicked his wand and the chairs Lily was carring went back to their original spot, as well as the others around the room.

"That it did, I suppose." He looked at her for a moment before replying, "You do have a wand you know, maybe you should use it once and a while." His tone wasn't as cruel as he intended, more sarcastic.

Lily chuckled lightly, "I seem to forget sometimes. I'm so used to doing thing for Mum at home that, it's just, natural." She walked over to where he was standing and picked up her parchment, putting it in her satchel. She swished her wand in the air, numbers appeared revealing the time, then vanishing. "We should get going if we want to make curfew."

Severus scoffed. "Evans, we're Heads, we don't have a curfew."

Lily paused from where she stood throwing her bag over her shoulder, "Yes, we do Severus. Just because we don't always have to obey it, doesn't mean we don't have one. Now, I'm all in favor of going to the kitchens or patroling the hallways for straggling students but to just hang out in hallways after curfew is stupid and not really all that fun."

Severus stepped foward, closing in on her personal space, a smirk on his lips. "And who says I want to hang out in hallways past curfew with you Lily."

Lily, not backing down from the challenge he presented her with, inclined her head up to face him, a smirk also on her lips. "Oh come now Severus, I know for a fact that you used to love stalking about abandoned hallways with me at night."

He narrowed his eyes, "Is that right."

Lily couldn't help but smile, "Yes, it is."

She wasn't sure how long they stood that close, staring up at each other. A playful smile on her lips and a smirk on his. "We should probably go if we _want to make curfew_."

Lily rolled her eyes at his mocking of her, she was used to it or had been anyway. The smirk was gone and instead replaced by the quirk of an eyebrow.

"You're right, now let's go." She turned and started out the door, Severus watched her hips gently sway, the lengeth of her pale legs, how round her bottom seemed. "Oh and Severus, let's try and not put innocent students in detention on the way back to the dorm."

Severus took a few strides to catch up to where she was, falling in step beside her. "They're not innocent when they're dissobeying curfew. Don't roll your eyes at me, its true."

Lily sighed and smiled slightly. "Yes, but if they're on their way back to their Houses then there is no reason to punish them. I just think you like to give dentention."

Severus shrugged, "There is a victorious feeling one gets afterward..."

Lily smiled wide, chuckling a bit. "See, I knew it. You just like to make other peoples lives miserable."

Severus' face went blank, the small smile that his lips held was gone, the humor of their conversation seemed to vanish with it. It was almost like he had woken up from a dream, was he flirting with Evans, having a normal conversation with her, teasing with her? It was her statement that seemed to bring him out of his strange stupor.

She could feel that the conversation was gone, there was no more warmth in his presence, he wasn't walking as close as he was before. She chanced a look over to him, his face was stoic, his eyes narrowed and cold. She wasn't sure what she had said, but she knew immediantly that it was wrong. Whatever they had going was now gone with that single statement, and she couldn't figure out what offended him so.

"I apologise for making your life _oh so_ miserable."

His words were filled with malice, but they were said so controlled and persise. That's how Severus got when he was upset, the clear, concise diction of his words. She sighed and stopped walking, turning to face him.

"You know I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it, Evans."

He watched her jaw clench, her arms cross over her chest, and did his best not to sigh as well. This was her defensive stance and he knew he was about to get a mouthful of that redheaded rage Potter was always on the receiving end of.

"I do have a name, you know what it is, so use it. I'm not going to keep letting you call me _Evans_ in front of people or when you're angry and then call me Lily when we're alone."

He chuckled out of spite, "Alright then, _Lily_, how did you mean it then. You obviously blame me for making you miserable."

"I never said I was miserable Severus. I was joking, you know, a sense of humor." Severus scoffed at her statement, he mirrored her posture and crossed his arms over his chest, and leaned back against the stone wall of the hallway. "You know Severus, " She paused, looking down at her worn trainers. "Ever since...the fight...you've changed."

At that he actually let out a laugh, "You think I would stay the same? Stay bullied by those idiots, keep coming to grovel at your feet for forgiveness."

"You're cold, callous...you're just so angry all the time." She took a breath, looking up into his eyes. "Look, I know I didn't forgive you and you're still pissed at me for that, but if you're mad because of me, then why are you so upset with everyone else?"

"What does it matter to you, huh? If you have again forgotten, we're not friends. We're trying to be civil but its obviously not working, now is it."

In a fit of random frustration, she pushed at his chest sending him into the stone wall behind him. It then occured to him that they were having this arguement in the middle of a corridor, after curfew, in shouting distance of Filch. But, then he also realized that he didn't give a shit, he wasn't really thinking clearly anyway, anger and spite were filling his pores.

"What's your problem with me? Or in general?" She stood in front of him, a little farther than swinging distance, her hands balled into fists at her sides. "Do you want an apology from me Sev, do you want me to be sorry that I'm dating James, or that I hate the people you surround yourself with?" He stood leaning against the stone wall of the empty hallway, just looking at her, allowing her to get her kumbayayas out before he stepped in and crushed her litte fantasies about what she thought she knew about him. "Or because I really believe that you think of me the same way that they do. That you're just going to follow them into the darkness and that you'll never be able to find your way out."

"And what makes you think that I would want to climb out?" His voice was cool, she couldn't believe this was coming out of his mouth, it confused her. He saw her brows furrow as she looked away from his penetrating gaze, "Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe I want to be dragged into the darkness, that I want to be surrounded by those people that you hate." He knew she hadn't thought about that, he knew because she never thought about anyone but herself. "Yes, I am angry. I'm angry at you for deserting me, I'm angry that you would pick that sodding prick over m - " He stopped himself before he let out that not so little secret of his. "Have you ever considered that maybe you weren't as important to me as you think." He knew he was diving into unbreached territory, lies that he didn't even believe and couldn't believe he was saying. "You were my closest friend sure, but I didn't need you to survive, I'm proving that to you now, Lily. I don't need you."

He hadn't realized that he had pushed himself off the wall and was standing right in front of her, so close that if she inclined her head up to his, their lips would touch. But when her head did slowly rise, when her jade eyes finally met his, his breath caught. Her wide eyes were glazed over, the tears not yet spilt, in her too-green gaze wasn't anger or rage like he expected. No, in her pale eyes was pain, a sadness he had never seen from her before. That's when they spilt, her tears, it started out as just one that had escaped and trailed slowly down over her cheekbone, down to her chin, then more spilt quickly after. He saw her shoulders slump and how she was holding her breath.

She exhaled and inhaled quickly, speaking to him one last time before turning and walking quickly down the hallway, away from him. "Well, I can't live without you."

He watched her walk away, he waited until she turned around the corner before backing up against the wall and sliding down it, laying his legs out long in front of him and leaning his head back to stare thoughtlessly at the ceiling as he absentmindedly played with the silver ring on his finger.

* * *

Levidicous Snape was usually regaurded with curious detachment, he had friends, lots of them, some from different houses, most in the same. But, he wasn't a person people really wanted to talk to, he wasn't someone who people thought about often or remembered. Which he was fine with, had grown accustom to. His brother was Snivellus Snape, hated by most, respected by basically none.

It didn't help that the girl his brother was forced to room with was the love of his life, his ex-friend, and his biggest failure and confusion. He knew his brother was thoroughly confused about his relationship, or lack thereof, with the red headed girl. It was especially difficult now, since she was dating the fop Potter and his brother was involved with people who were into the darkest of arts. He couldn't even begin to contemplate what must be going through his brother's head, on top of that Severus seemed to be isloating himself from everyone, more so than usual anyway, and always seemed to be in a rage.

He was determined to figure out what was wrong with his older brother, what seemed to bother him so. But he knew that before he could figure out what was really wrong with Severus, he'd have to see what was really wrong with Lily. He figured that if he found out what was wrong with her, then he'd be able to figure out the whole mess between the two of them.

It had been weeks since he had seen the two of them in remotely the same area, if one was at dinner, the other was reviewing schedules or chatting with teachers. The same went with the Head Common room, he never saw both of them in there at the same time, and if he did it was only for a fleeing moment or so.

He found himself walking down the hallway towards the Library, retracing his brothers steps from earlier that day. He halted when a voice yelled to him, "Levidicous!"

He turned and faced Airabella, a small forced smile on his face. "Aira, did you need something?"

She strutted over to him from where she was on the other side of the corridor, pushing younger students out of her way. "Where the hell is your brother? I can't find him anywhere."

Levi shrugged, "I'm not sure, I was just looking for him. If I see him, I'll tell him to come find you." He hoped that would placate her because, he really wasn't in the mood to play peek-a-boo with Sev and Airabella today. No, today he had other plans.

She let out a heavy, over dramatic sigh, "Fine, but tell him that I need to speak with him like, now." With that she turned on her heel and strutted away.

Levidicous shook his head and returned to his original route to the library in search for his brother, he had heard Sev say to Dolohov that he was going to be in the library if Lucius needed him, so he figured that'd be the best place to start. He didn't expect to literally run into someone in the hallway, almost knocking them down the stairs.

"Oh! I-I'm so sor-sorry!" He hauled the girl up by where he had caught her around the waist. Her green eyes were wide with shock, a small smile on her lovely lips, her messy curls pinned back from her face. "L-Lily? Sorry!"

He bent down to help her gain the things she dropped, "Levi, " she giggled, "It's really alright. Accidents happen." She stood, taking the things from his hands and placing them in her satchel.

"Yeah, " He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, per nervous Levidicous fashion. "I've always been klutzy, you remember that."

She looked up at the boy she had met when he was years younger, he was tall like his brother, even for a boy in his year, lean with broading shoulders that didn't seem to fit yet. She watched as he readjusted his glasses and attempted to flatten out the wayward hair that was born to stick out oddly. "Of course I do." She smiled at him, "Is there something I can help you with, you seemed to be running somewhere in quite a hurry."

"Oh, n - " He stopped himself before he could say no, this could potentially work out in his favor. "Uh, actually, yeah. I need help with an essay for...Charms! Will you help me?"

He knew she was excellent at Charms and that she wouldn't be able to resist helping him, the awkward fourth year brother of the boy she was once uncommonly close to. He watched as she bit her lip, thinking over the pros and cons of returning back to the Head Common room with him, but she nodded and followed him anyway. He couldn't help but notice the subtle things about her that made his brother stare at her from across the room, how her hips gently swayed, how her long hair flowed around her in a mess of waves and curls, the vivid green of her wide eyes and how she looked up through her long lashes, the cupid's bow shape of her lips. He was fourteen and she made him want to do things he didn't even know about yet, he could only imagine what Severus was going through, having to live with her everyday.

They made it to the Head dorms, Lily walked in first, setting her things down on the table and sitting on the couch. Levi came to sit beside her, pulling out his essay, he was actually suppose to write one for Charms, it jusy wasn't due for another week or so.

"Okay, so lets start with what its about." Lily picked up the parchment and looked at the title, reading his first paragraph, "This is good, almost perfect actually. So, what is it you need help on?"

He chuckled sheepishly, hoping he was a good enough liar to pull this off. "Uh, the rest of it." He watched her roll her eyes and smile, "That's as far as I got before I totally blanked out."

"Alright, well pull out your book and I'll help you get the outline for the rest of it."

They sat there doing his essay for a while, Lily kept talking, helping him perfect an outline for a great essay. It got quiet for a moment and he realized this would be the perfect time to ask his questions, while she was comfortable and desctracted. "Hey, Lily,"

She was rereading a section she had wrote on spare parchment, "Hmmm?" She didn't look up at him, she kept reading the paper in her hands. He fiddled with his wand in his hands, wondering how to actually ask her.

"What happened between you and Sev?" She looked up sharply, turning to look at him, he was still playing with his wand, eyes still downcast. "I just, I mean, I know what _happened _that day, with Potter and Black. But I mean, after that, what happend? All I remember was Sev moping around and then he just got really angry."

Lily looked down at the paper in her hands, but not really seeing it, Levi looked at her and knew he had her where he wanted her. No one would expect Levi, sweet, dorky, awkward Levi, to be this vindictive, making her relive one of her worst memories. She didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to talk about anything Severus Snape related actually. She didn't know what Sev had told him, what he had embelished or left out, she wasn't sure she should actually tell him anything, not knowing how Sev would react if Levi told him.

"He, ah, he asked me to forgive him for calling me a Mud - " She paused, holding the parchment tighter in her hands, still not looking at him. "Well, you know. And I told him no, that I wouldn't forgive him. I told him to, save his breath, that he had chosen his way and I had chosen mine."

"Oh." He waited because he knew there was more, he knew this part, it was why Sev was so angry now that he was really interested in.

"He didn't even deny it, " She turned to face him now, her eyes slightly glazed over with tears. "Wanting to be a Death Eater, he didn't even deny it."

He felt something pull at his heartstrings, seeing her cry over his brother isn't something he wanted. "So, what happened after that?"

She shrugged, "I was crying in the common room and James just happened to come down and we started talking. I realized he may not have been as big of a toerag as I had originally thought. Sev and I didn't talk from then on and sixth year came around and I started dating James."

It seemed to all be coming together now, around the time that Sev had started to rise out of his depression and into his rage, Lily had started to date Potter...

The door to the Head common room opened, he whipped his head around to see his brother standing there, his brows furrowed and his eyes narrowed. "What's going on here?"

If Levi had ever been afraid of his brother before, now would be the time that he actually feared for his young life. He would never tell Severus, but in this moment, with his jaw clenched and his dark eyes narrowed, he looked exactly like their Father. Today, in this moment, was the first time he ever prayed.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hello, my lovely readers and reviewers. Here's the next chapter, some parts in this one are changed from the original, if you've never read it before, great. If you have, sorry charlies, blame the for deleting the orig. Next chapter will be up much sooner if I can get some reviews for this story, let's get Resume back to where it was! This story had 8 chapters and over 80 reviews, its now up to 5 chapters with under twenty :( Help me out everyone! If you love, like, even hate this story, just let me know. I love to hear from everyone, and I'll try to reaspond accordingly. Also, for those of you PMing me about this story and the characters, I love you all, you're great. That goes for you reviewers too, I seriously love you all, the continued support is astounding and magical. I almost felt like giving up after this story was deleted, but you all made me love it again, so I thank you. And now, on to some more Lily/Severus drama/goodness. Next one gets steamy ;)

* * *

Levi's eyes were wide as he looked at his older brother from where he sat on the couch next to Lily, she was still sitting casually, seemingly not bothered by Severus' outburst. He went to gather his things, knowing he wouldn't be able to complete his mission tonight even though he was so close to figuring it out, not when Sev seemed so angry, but Lily caught his arm to stop him.

"No, Levi, it's okay."

This only caused Severus to become more angered, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Levi asked me for help on his essay, that's all."

"If he needed help he could've asked me, _you_ don't always need to stick your nose in what doesn't concern you."

Lily scoffed lightly and rolled her pretty eyes, "Oh really? Now tell me, how are you going to help Levi with a Charms essay, which is a poor subject for you if I recall correctly, when your face is practicallty being sucked off by Roth?" She fixed her pale eyes into a glare, as though that peice of information hurt her in some way.

"What I do with my _girlfriend_ is no business to you Evans. And if _I_ recall correctly, _Tobias_ is my brother, not yours. You, don't get a say in what goes on in his life."

He stood with arms crossed over his chest, his dark eyes set into an angry glare, his strong jaw clenched. Lily stood with her hands placed angrily on her hips, a typical Lily-stance that he had seen many times, and as of late, directed at him.

"And _you're_ not his Father!"

"You know damn well that I practically am."

They stood their ground, the space of the coffee table between them was the only thing separating them. The air crackled around them, anger and frustration seeped from both their forms, Levi could tell they were both tired of the fighting, but he could also tell in the depth of their gazes that they secretly enjoyed atleast a bit of it. They were breathing heavy, their chests rising and falling with the anger than consumed them both, both of the boys tried not to look at the way Lily's chest rose and fell with labored breath, tried being the key term.

Levi may have only been fourteen, but he knew what those stirrings in his loins meant, knew where the urges and the dreams he had came from. Sev had resumed the role of Father for brief moments in life and taught him somethings about the female gender, most of the other things he knew he had read about in books. He felt uncomfortable sitting on the couch inbetween the two of them, between the two people he would trust his life with, the two arguing people that he adored. It reminded him too much of his parents, he hated it.

He knew it wouldn't be safe to just get up while they were fighting, to put himself willingly in their emotional crossfire would be potentially fatal. So he sat there and attempted to block out the yelling pair by thinking about obscure things he had read in different muggle books. He always thought that they were more interesting. Like one time he read that if you laid all the DNA in your cells end to end, it would go from the earth to the moon more than 245,000 times, or that the English proudly invented football when kicking around the heads of slaughtered Danish invaders. He kept up with the interesting facts from different books while his brother and Lily were still yelling, red in the face.

_'Viagra was originally designed to treat hypertension and angina when its main side effect was discovered.' _He chuckled silently at the thought, quickly trying to think of another passage he had read in that same book, thats when it hit him, one of the passages he had read coming up in his mind like someone was saying it in his ear. It all made sense now, he looked between the two of them, Severus looked ready to pounce on her, his hands balled into fists, his jaw set. Lily looked slightly the same way, her knuckles visibly whiter than her usually porcealin palor from clasping her hips so violently, her pupils dialated.

He recited the passage in his head, his mouth hanging open lightly. '_Unresolved sexual tension is the interaction between two people fueled by sexual desire, the interactions are stifling and usually carries an unsatisfied air with it. Common outlets of Unresolved Sexual Tension or UST are playful or sarcastic banter, fighting, and physical aggression between the two people. Signs of UST include, aggressive behavior between the two, predatory body language, dilated pupils, increased heart rates, and physical fatigue. These symptoms carry over into sexual intercourse. Another sign of UST is during interaction between the two it seems as is they are ignoring or oblivious to the world around them. Sometimes the two are oblivious to their own attraction to the other causing more discomfort and confusion, that confusion and discomfort become more fuel for their bickering or heated discussions.' _

He had done it, he had actually sloved the mystery that was plauging Lily and Severus. Lily had been upset that Severus called her a Mudblood in public, mad that he was choosing the darker ways of his house than staying with her in the light. Severus had been depressed at losing his best friend, his only friend, the love of his life. His brother liked to think that Levi wasn't observent, but he was, that was how he knew that no matter how much Sev wanted to deny it, he was in love with Lily Maree Evans. Then his brother got angry, that became present when she started dating Potter, his enemy, when she wouldn't accept his apology because she had been influenced by people she was no longer friends with, i.e. Mary MacDonald.

Now that they were older, the anger and frustration of everything only grew. The fact that Lily was dating Potter - with no regard to Severus' feelings - and the fact that he was dating anyone that wasn't her - even though she probably wouldn't admit that to him, Levi could see it in her eyes when she glaced at them from across the hall. Everything was coming together now, he had figured it out. _He,_ fourteen year old Tobias Levidicous Snape, had figured out what was happening between the two of them. As complicated and messy as it had seemed before, it was perfectly clear now, the the stirring between them.

They didn't hate each other, residual anger still lingered from their previous indescretions during fifth year, Lily was still upset that he would think of her as every other muggleborn girl, with the way he treated her now. Severus was enraged that she would even consider being aquaintences with Potter, let alone being his girlfriend, and that she hadn't chosen _him_. And now, they were both plauged with UST, because deep down they really did love each other, they just weren't willing to admit it or embrace it for that matter.

He let out a deep sigh and stood up exclaiming, "Bloody hell." He didn't even realize the looks he was recieving from both of them, and not caring. He had figured it out, but now that he had he wasn't entirely sure how to go about...anything. Should he tell them? Let them know that all they had to do was accept it and move on? Or should he stay completely out of it, wait for them to maybe figure it out for themselves?

He raised his eyes up to look at Severus, then Lily. No, he wouldn't tell them outright, they would never listen to him about that, so instead he would drop hints and help them along the way.

"Uh...sorry, I ah...just realized that I have to...bathe." He inwardly cringed at himself,_ Bathe? Really Lev, that was the best you could come up with? _

Severus furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes at his younger brother, he knew he was lying. "Bathe?"

"Uh, yeah." He chastised himself for saying anything aloud at all, if he had been smooth he could've played the _bloody hell _off as impatience at their rowing, but of course he was Levi so he didn't. "We have ah, a...routine! Yeah, a routine for the shower and I just realized that I'd be missing my turn if I stayed any longer, so, I gotta go."

He knew his brother wasn't buying it at all, knew that if he didn't get out of their quick that Severus would pry the newly discovered information right out of him. Lily sighed, giving him the welcomed relief from Severus' penatrating stare, she bent down, giving Sev a rather glorious view of her heaving chest, and gathered the essay papers and handed them to him silently.

"You best run along then."

He turned back to Severus and his narrowed gaze nodding in his direction as he gathered the rest of his belongings. Before Levi could leave, Severus caught his glance once more, using the bit of Legilimency that he had been teaching himself since fifth year, he wasn't wonderful at it but he was getting there.

He saw the brief clips of miscellaneous things from their past, but he quickly tried to narrow it further, he saw Levi listening to his conversation with Dolohov in the Great Hall, suddenly agitated by an irate Airabella, running quite literally into Lily and asking for help with a Charms essay. _So he hadn't been lying..._ He pushed further and saw himself from Levi's eyes, the way he looked at Lily as they were fighting, God, they looked entirely inapropriate, and finally what had made Levi yell out...

"Jesus Severus!"

He felt the shove of his shoulder before he heard her exclaimation, he was snapped out of Levi's mind, who was blinking rapidly before giving a 'goodnight' and hurrying out of the dorms. He looked over to where she stood in front of him, quite close, with her eyes narrowed. "What?"

The sharpness in his voice didn't scare her, although it hurt her slightly he didn't scare her and he couldn't bully her into accepting what he just did.

"How could you do that to your brother?"

He knew that she had caught on, knew that she had seen what he was doing. As much as he tried not to care, tried to convince himself that what he had just done wasn't worth a fight, he knew he was wrong and he felt the small trickle of shame run down his mind. The look in her wide eyes wasn't helping either, the disappointment that he hated to see in that pale green...

He couldn't stop replaying the image of himself fighting with her over in his head, they had looked so heated and angered and frustrated...in more than one way. He could still feel the adrenaline from the fight pulsing through him, could still feel the _desire _for her pouring off of him in waves. He was wondering how she couldn't feel it, being so close to him and all, thats when his eyes widened as he recalled the information he had just stolen from his brothers mind.

"Well?"

She was looking at him so pointedly, awaiting his answer to her question, what was her question again? Oh, right. "How could I do what, exactly?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, he knew he was riling her up for another fight, but he couldn't help it, she was just so alluring when she was angry.

"Oh, I don't know, how about using Legilimency on your _little _brother for no reason!"

He scoffed at her, folding his arms over his chest, seemingly much less angry than he was before and now stuck in a calm sense of arrogant indifference. "What I do to my brother is no concern of yours, I think we went over this before."

She looked up at him, shock was evident in her graceful features, and her voice dropped to an almost whisper. "But, you promised, you promised you wouldn't do it to people you were close to." He shrugged his shoulders, attempting to be nonchalant about the whole thing, he hoped it was working because on the inside he was a melting pot of twelve different emotions. The ones that seemed to be raging the most were shame, anger, and desire, he just hoped they weren't showing in his eyes, she could always read his eyes. "You just wanted to know if we were lying, didn't you." She didn't wait for his answer because, she knew it. "If you were so concerned about us lying, why didn't you just look into my mind? Huh? Why didn't you just sneak a peak in there, if you haven't already that is?" She waited a moment for him to answer, and realization came to her. "But you never would, would you." Her voice was soft when she said it and she shook her head. "You're too afraid of what you'll see...or won't."

It was true, he wouldn't look into her mind, he _was_ too afraid of the things he would see, the memories of them and the newer ones of Potter. But, the fragments of what he had just seen his Levi's mind were still swirling about his own, he couldn't seem to figure some of it out.

_UST...the interaction between two people fueled by sexual desire...Signs...aggressive behavior between the two, predatory body language, dilated pupils...symptoms carry over into sexual intercourse...oblivious to their own attraction to the other...causing more discomfort and confusion...more fuel for their bickering or heated discussions...They didn't really hate each other...risidual anger from fifth year...Lily was still upset...Severus was enraged that she hadn't chosen him...both plauged with UST, because deep down they really did love each other, they just weren't willing to admit it or embrace it..._

God...could...could it be, right?

Was he really even still angry with her, was he plauged with Unresolved Sexual Tension for Lily, and that she felt the same? This was all too much, too much for his complicated brain to handle. He was still angry at her, he refused to believe otherwise, the UST situation...well...that could be possible. Actually, as he looked over her heated frame, her arms crossed under her bust, pushing it up, her wild hair matching her wild eyes. Yes, he could most definitely believe it.

* * *

Levi had been attempting to avoid his brother for a few days now, it was a big school, he was three years below him, it shouldn't have been this hard to evade someone, but it was proving to be quite a difficult task at best. He wasn't stupid, he knew that Sev had read some of his thoughts, that he knew what was really going on between him and Lily.

He wasn't afraid of Severus, per se, or what he might do, he just really wasn't looking foward to having a conversation with his older brother about his Unresolved Sexual Tension and love for a girl he himself thought was super hot. He didn't like having Sev in his head, he thought things that were not so appropriate for his brother to see, he was a growing teenage boy after all, he did notice things.

He poked his head out of the eighth floor boys lavatory and looked around slowly, it was during his free period and he knew Sev had a class right then, but he could never be too careful at this school. When satisfied that no one was going to jump out and question him, he exited the bathroom and began his trek down to the Slytherin Commom room. The halls were quiet and he found that he enjoyed it more than the hussle and bussle that it usually was, but this was eerily quite and he wasn't quite sure why it suddenly felt that way.

"Hey."

And arm appeared around his shoulder, nearly sending him into shock, as he jumped a little. He looked up and found that it was only Lucius, casually looking ahead as if he hadn't just scared the hell out of him. "Jesus Lucius, you nearly caused me to have a heart attack."

Lucius chuckled lightly, "Ah, well you shouldn't be such a Hufflepuff Lev."

He gently shrugged Lucius' arm off his shoulder and nervously tittered with the strap of his bag, if Lucius was finding him out of nowhere and acting all casual and airy then it ment he wanted something, and that was never good.

"Yeah...uh, is there something you needed?"

He looked up to gage his features, they were passive, controlled, but more than usual, it was for lack of a better word, odd. Lucius remained looking ahead as they walked, a small upturn of his lips to keep the conversation light.

"Actually, yes."

He stopped walking and turned to face Levi, although he was almost as tall as Lucius, almost as big, he couldn't help but feel slightly threatened by the older boy, by his friend, by his brother's best friend.

"Well, uh, what is it that you need?"

Lucius raised his intense grey eyes away from Levi's gaze, he looked almost torn, like he was waging an internal battle in his mind over what he was about to ask.

"I..." he paused, as though he wasn't sure that he should actually do it, and that was what scared Levi more than anything. "I need you to tell me everything you know about Lily Evans."

Levi raised a brow at him and readjusted his glasses, "Why?"

He was quiet for a moment, just a moment, but it was enough for him to know that Lucius was lying with his next response.

"Well, I've noticed what has been going on between the muggleborn bitch and our dear Severus, if we're ever going to help him sort through it, well, then we to know everything about her."

"But, I already know everything about her, how is me telling you going to help Sev?"

"Two minds are greater than one, little Levidicous."

He knew it wasn't a good idea, he knew for a fact that everything that had just spewed from Lucius' mouth was a lie, sprinkled with vauge truth. It was the too casual stance, the way his gaze penetrated his own, not taking no for an answer, how his jaw tightened to show his discomfort in the situation. But, regaurdless of all that, ignoring the most obvious signs, he nodded and followed Lucius into a spare classroom so that they could talk about Lily and an affirmitive plan of action. For Lucius was their trusted friend, he had no reason to deny the blonde's request, no reason to be suspicious...did he?

* * *

She wondered why Acient Runes seemed like the most opportune time to think and reminise about her life, when really it was the most inappropriate time. She found herself staring out the wide windows, ignoring everything the proffesor was rambling about and instead thinking about the boy that sat two rows in front of her to the left, about how insesitive and cruel he could be, about how tender and adoring, how unpredictable and...

She sighed, she couldn't even think of another adjective.

All she could think of was the conversation she had, had with Levi the other day in the Head Common room, she kept replaying it over in her head, thinking about her response to that particular question. No one had asked her that in years, and no one that was close with Severus had ever even thought about asking her that. Was she wrong with that she said, with how she had handled the situation?

Normally she would've said no, but now, she wasn't so sure what her response would be.

She looked over at him yet again, she felt her chest fill with that odd pressure one gets from thinking about overwhelming things. She could still hear him saying it over and over in her mind, how it echoed out in the empty hall.

_I don't need you._

It made her want to cry.

The truth was, she always knew he needed her, in some way or another, needed her to be his friend, needed her to be strong for him, to just be there for him. To hear him confidently scream out those four words made her false reality collapse around her, the false reality where she was in love with James, where she didn't care about a battered Slytherin boy with a dark streak. The one where she would have perfect little Auror children with awkward hair and green eyes, and there would be no talk of the boy from Spinner's End, no Hogwarts politics.

It was such a nice world, one she could never be truly happy in, but it was a nice dream.

It was those four words that made her realize just how ridiculous they had been acting for two years, it made her realize how important he really was, how he had buried himself into her and she couldn't get rid of him no matter how hard she tried. _She_ needed him, and that was a startling revelation in itself.

She had alot to talk with him about, because they needed to talk, it was the only way that they could actually get over this, maybe then they could move on.

But the only thing that was running through her mind now was the way he had looked at her while they were fighting, the intensity of his dark gaze, the clench of his strong jaw, the labored breathing. They had fought before, God knows they've fought before, but it had never been so...hot. She had wanted to jump him right then and there, she had never felt more excited in her whole life, she almost wished Levi had never been there so she could've jumped him. But, that would've only lead to more problems, and it wasn't like they already didn't have a handful.

She watched him as he wrote furiously in his book, shoulders haunched over his desk, his dark hair shielded his face from view. The scene was so typically Severus that she felt her chest swell slightly, she knew it all too well, she had seen it so many times before. He might've become more hostile, filled with anger, but he hadn't changed, he was still the Severus she knew and simple situations like this proved it.

The bell had sounded for the end of their lesson, she packed her things slowly, her mind not really focusing on anything to strainful, well, or she was trying anyway. She watched him walk out of the room with the rest of the class, ignoring her purposefully. She sighed as she followed the crowd out and into the hallway, she saw James leaning against the wall, chatting quietly with Peter. She knew that Peter was their friend, that he was one of James' best friends, but she still couldn't help the small sliver of discomfort she felt around him, the odd, off-putting feeling she sometimes got.

"Hey, darling."

She reluctantly came to stop in front of him, it was starting to scare her slightly at her constant forget of James. She was thinking of him less and less, forgetting that he was actually her boyfriend, forgetting why she was even interested in him to begin with.

"Hi, James... Peter."

He gently brushed a stray wave behind her ear, his fingers lightly lingering on the side of her face, a small smile on his lips as his hazel eyes bore into her own. He could be so uncommonly sweet, so caring and perfect when he wanted to be, but he just wasn't for her, not anymore.

"What's wrong? You look..." He struggled for the right word, "Disfocused." She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from sighing. Leave it to James to actually notice that something was bothering her when she least wanted him to.

"Yeah James, I'm fine, just...tired."

Peter looked at her stangely, like he didn't believe her or buy cover at all. Since when did Pettigrew grow intuition?

"I bet, having to share a dorm with that Dark Arts lovin' fucker - "

"James." She cut him off and gave him the fiercest look she could muster, which currently wasn't very threatening with her defeated demeanure. "Not today. Please."

He rolled his eyes and nodded, running a hand through his bed head. Peter stayed leaning against the wall, his eyes still on her's, even though she hadn't been looking at him, she could feel his gaze. It was strange that a boy like him was friends with some of the most notorious and sought after boys in the whole school, he could've been cute with his sandy blonde hair and blue eyes, in a dorky - never lost their babyfat - kind of way. But, it was the weird, too long eye contact, the slient, always observing nature that was always present with him, that's what made him odd.

"Look, you have a free period now, right?"

She nodded, "That I do, why?"

"Okay, here's the deal." She knew this was going to be good. "Pete and I are worried, about you and Snape."

She rose a brow at his statement, James, worried about her and Severus? Was he high or something?

"What?"

He shook his head, "No, I know it sounds strange, but, I'm worried about you. You've been so "tired" lately, I know it has something to do with _him._ Now, Pete and I have come up with a plan, but we need you to tell us about Snape."

She looked at them like the were more than slightly mentally deranged, they wanted to know about Severus so that they could protect her from...what, exactly?

"Uh, huh. So, you want me to tell you about Severus so you can...what, exactly?"

"So we know how to get around him, we need to get him on our good side."

She snorted, "Have you gotten bludgeoned upside the head with a quaffle or something? In what world would you ever think that's going to happen?"

He continued on like he hadn't heard her, "I know it'll be hard, but we'll send Remus or Pete in, that way he won't suspect much."

She literally had to pinch the bridge of her nose to stop from exploading on the two of them, what would have ever given him any inkling of an idea, in all the years that he had known her, that she would ever go for something as stupid as this? He was really pushing it, and she was absolutely in _no_ mood to put up with this bullshit.

"James, I don't even know why you'd want to do this in the first place, but I'm not going to just sit back and watch you humiliate him, again. It's not going to happen."

She started to walk away when he caught her arm and turned her back to face him, "You're not even friends with him anymore, what do you care? The dick called you a _Mudblood_, basically openly admitted to being a _Death Eater_, and is pretty much an ass to you every chance he can get. And you're going to stand here and defend him, after all he's done to you?"

She pulled her arm out of his grasp and backed away from him, "No, we're not friends anymore, and you made damn well sure of that, didn't you, James? If you three had just left him alone that day, if you hadn't been such complete and utter scumbags, then none of this would've happend." She brushed hair out of her face and threw her hands in the air. "You know what, I'm done."

She turned and strutted away, anger in her body language. James sighed and collapsed back against the wall, defeat radiating off him, Peter just clapped him on the back and nodded his head. "It'll be fine James, we'll try and talk to her about it some other time."

James nodded, "Yeah, you're right, I'll ah, I'll see you back in the common room."

Peter watched him go and a small smile appeared on his face, he fingered the little black book that he had slipped into his bag when they weren't looking. He pulled it out and opened it up, runing his eyes over the neat, female scrawl that belonged to one Lily Evans. Everything he would ever need to know about Snape was right in this book, right in her journal, now he wouldn't have to go through with that stupid, half formulated plan he had come up with to get James interested. He flipped through the pages, eyeing the parts about Snape and smiled.

Oh, this was too good, the Dark Lord was sure going to be happy with him.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hey everyone! This is a lemon-scented chapter for you all, since you've been so good! I hope you all enjoy, and thanks to everyone for the reviews! Keep 'em coming!

* * *

She had spent the majority of her lazy sunday morning looking for it, tugging up everything, looking everywhere. She threw the comforter off her double-wide four poster yet again, she looked under the pillows, under the bed, in the desser next to her bed, on her desk...everywhere. She pulled the burgundy cushions from the window seat up, seeing if maybe it had fallen in between them somehow, in every drawer her room contained, even in the bathroom she shared with Severus -

She let out a groan of frustration, of course, why hadn't she thought of it before.

She threw the door to her bedroom open, strutting out into the common room, the fire crackled even though the early afternoon sun was shining in, but because it was the end of October it was getting to be seriously chilly. She looked around the empty common room, the armchairs void of any belongings, as was the couch, but the coffee table held his messenger bad so she knew he was still here.

She marched over to his door and grasped the knob forcefully, pushing the door open with anger. She didn't bother knocking, if he was in a compromising position well, even better! He would have to listen to her then, no running away or changing the subject. She almost hoped she would find him in there alone, the shades halfway drawn, his hands down his pants palming the hard flesh -

Wait, what?

_No, Lily. Don't let your mind go there, not now, not ever. Remember?_

She scolded herself, shaking her head, that was not what she wanted and now wasn't the time to think about Severus' naked flesh anyway. Not that she would _want _to think about his naked anything, she shouldn't even be thinking about that, it was such a strange thought to even think, why had it even appeared in her mind. She cut off her mental rambling, seeing as she had just busted into Severus' room and he was looking at her inquisitively from where he sat on the bed. He was leaning against the headboard, a book in his hands, papers scattered around him on the bed, he was still in a pair of loose pajama pants and a v-neck undershirt.

His attire was complete with a raised brow, "Yeah?"

She slammed the door behind her, sauntered over to where he was, and ripped the book out of his hand, finding that the book was indeed filled with his tiny, erratic scrawl, she tossed it back to him. He looked her over, disbelief in his dark eyes, she stood before for him in nothing more than her little pale green boy shorts and a slightly baggy, white v-neck, her hands on her hips and an angry scowl on her pretty face. He tried not to let that destract him from her overly dramatic entranced and invadement of his personal space, even if he could clearly see her hipbones and the fact that she wasn't wearing pants...

"What are you doing?"

He didn't get a response though, instead she asked a question of her own, impatiently waiting for him to answer her.

"Where is it."

He quirked his brow yet again at her, "Where is what?"

He watched her huff and stop her foot, it was kind of amusing to see her act so childish, but he also knew her temper, so he didn't mock her out right. Plus, he was enjoying seeing her in a tizzy, with her hair all tousled and thrown about her like she had been leaning foward and flipping back it all morning, in little to no clothing, staring at him with intense green eyes. It was all kind of arousing, and the fact that she was in his room with the closed wasn't helping any.

"My book!"

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his tired eyes. "Lily, you really couldn't be more descreet if you tried." He brought one of his long legs off the side of the bed, bending the other, and turning in his bed to face her more properly. He wasn't sure if it was because of his new startling revelation about their attraction to eachother, or, once again, the fact that she was standing before him angry and very much almost naked, that he was being so cavalier about her busting into his room.

"I'm talking about my book, the one I've been writing in since I was eleven, you know, the one _you_ gave me for christmas in first year."

He shrugged his broad shoulders, "Why would I have it?"

She looked at him with appaul, her wide eyes becoming even more so, as she thrusted her hands, from where they had been safely clutching her hips, out into the open. But, she seemed to be at a loss of words after that, he looked up at her expectantly. As much as he would've loved to keep her all riled up, to make her more hot and bothered than she already was, he didn't like being accused of something that he actually didn't do. What surprised him was how he wasn't already yelling, he usually would've been insanely worked up at her storming into his room, angrily demanding something that he supposedly took.

But he wasn't, intstead he was calm about it, actually wondering what had happened to her lost item, and really wanted to know if she was wearing a bra right now or not - No, that was not something he was interested in. But, he was actually curious as to why he didn't mind her presence as much as he normally did, because usually he avoided her to a) not feel guilty about something she was trying to make him feel guilty for, b) not feel angered by her neanderthal boyfriend and his cronies, or c) avoid the onslaught of heat he felt rush through him when she was near.

"I dunno! But, it's gone and I've looked everywhere for it, it was only logical that I come to see if you took it."

He nodded, "Okay, but you don't need to be so hostile about it." He threw in a snear for good measure, even if it was half hearted.

"You really haven't seen it?"

Her hands appeared at her sides, her shoulders slumped slightly, anger no longer really evident in her voice. He shook his head at her, shrugging one of his shoulders, he did find it rather odd though. She had been using that book since he gave it to her, charmed it to never run out of paper, and never once had she ever lost it, so it just seemed odd to him.

"Are you sure you didn't just leave it in your room at home? I mean, you do have a tendency to lose things in that disastor you call a room."

His tone was helpful and teasing, almost soothing as he asked her, as if he was trying to comfort her for some reason. All this...range of emotions from him was starting to confuse her more than she already was, but she decided that, atleast for now, she would go along with it. He was talking to her like he used to after all, it was almost as if they were friends once again and he was messing around with her to calm her down, God, no one had done that to her since, well, since Severus. She wondered if she played it up, would he respond?

She chuckled lightly, not looking him in the eyes, instead looking at the plush carpet, wondering if it would really work, but it came off as if she were still upset about her book being lost, which she was, this was just more interesting at the moment.

Physical contact.

Thats what she was aiming for, she was always the one to initiate the physical contact between them, and with him being so...open right now she wondered if he would initiate it first, like he sometimes would when they were still friends. She knew it sounded kind of low, but for some reason she yearned for it.

"Hey." She lifted her eyes from the ground to his, even sitting on his bed he was tall, she bit on her full bottom lip and watched as his gaze left hers and went to her mouth. He grasped her wrist lightly in his large hand, his thumb subconciously moving slowly over the inside of her wrist. "Don't worry, I'll help you find it."

She was mentally jumping, she wasn't sure what this meant, but she couldn't deny the pull she felt towards him any longer. They may have an insane amount of things to work out, to discuss, but she came to the overwhelming realization that she needed him, and even more than that, she _wanted_ him. In more than one way.

She nodded her head towards him, "Okay."

He was still looking into her eyes, it was like he couldn't stop himself. He hadn't meant to grab her wrist and start to stroke it, but she had just looked so...lost. He knew how she operated, he knew that when something she held so dearly dissapeared, well it messed her up just slightly. He couldn't blame her, if his own book had mysteriously vanished, well there would be hell to pay that was for sure. He couldn't help but wonder what she had written in that book of hers, she never let him read it, ever. He had always sort of hoped that she wrote about him in there, and thats why she had never let him see it, he hoped that she dreamed of him as he dreamed of her, if she wrote down all the naughty thoughts she had - and if any were about him...

Yes, he could definitely understand her desperate need of that book in her possesion, he just hoped that she was smart enough to charm her personal belongings as he did his. There was no way anyone was going to be reading his naughty thoughts about the Gryffindor Princess herself, that's why he had his locked up tight, only he could read it, all he had to do was put the charm back on and then BAM!, fort knox.

She decided to push her luck a littler further and sat down on the bed next to him, she turned on her side, mirroring his image with one leg off the bed and the other curled beneath her. She saw something flash through his eyes at the sight of her on his bed, but before she could analyze it, the look in his eyes was gone and he was talking to her again.

"So, where was the last place you saw it?"

"Well, I had it a few days ago, I put it in my bag before we headed out for breakfast. I had and insane amount of homework so I never took it out of my bag, until I went for it this morning and it was gone. I literally looked everywhere."

She was looking around his bed, anything to keep from his intense gaze, which she could feel burning a hole into her bare skin. She had been absentmindedly running a hand down her thigh and back, just a nervous habit she had aquired from over the years, but it was then that she really noticed that, well, she wasn't wearing anything to cover her. She was sitting here on Severus' bed, in her underwear and a t-shirt, rubbing her bare skin as she told him something he probably wasn't even listening to.

She sighed, _no wonder he was being so nice..._, she was practically throwing herself at him, or so she thought it seemed.

"Well, do you think someone might've taken it?"

She rolled her eyes playfuly, "Well yeah, hence me storming in here and demanding my book." She chuckled lightly at the absurdity of it all.

"I meant, someone who wasn't me."

She shrugged her shoulders, thinking of who might've taken her book and when they could've taken it, seeing as it was in her bag after all. She looked at all the parchment sitting around them on the bed, she picked up a peice and read it. School word, boring. She had hoped it would've been something interesting, something to comment on.

"I was attempting to finish Flitwick's essay before you barged in here all hands-on-hips and accusatory."

She rolled her eyes at him again, pushing his shoulder lightly, showing that she was teasing with him and that she hadn't taken what he just said seriously. It was the sarcastic drawl in which he said it, the light conversational tone of his voice, that show he was only joking with her.

"Well I thought you had it, that's all. I was in a mood."

He chuckled slightly, knowing this to be true, once Lily had her hot pants on there was no stopping her. He watched as she sifted though the mess of belongings on his bed, it was mostly just blank or scribbled out parchment, some quills, a few school texts, and the of course the little black book she had ripped from his hands and tossed back onto the bed somewhere. The same book she now held in her delicate hands, panic flooded him for a moment as she opened it, but then he realized that there was a charm in place, so she wouldn't be able to read it anyway. All she would be able to read were trivial, non-important or incriminating things.

"So, is this the mysterious journal you were always writing furiously in?"

She had a lovely, teasing smile on her face as she looked up at him through her lashes, the book open in her hands. He shrugged one broad shoulder halfheartedly, "No more mysterious than yours was, you just would never let met read yours."

She scoffed, "Like you would've let me read yours, thats why I never let you read mine."

He rose a brow at her, "Well your holding it now, aren't you? Open and everything." He smirked, "And I've yet to jump you for it, so, by all means."

He guestured for her to go ahead and read away, she narrowed her eyes at him, a lazy smirk plastered on her lips. She wasn't stupid, she knew he had some sort of spell on his journal, he would've easily wrestled her for it if the charm wasn't in place. Which, if she was being honest with herself, didn't sound all that unpleasant.

She looked down at the black book in her hands, and flipped through it, she held it up closer to her face so she could actually read his tiny scrawl. For the most part she did see trivial, mundane things, for Severus anyway, new spells, ideas for new spells, ideas on how to improve different potions, how much he hated Potter...but then her eyes widened considerably at what she saw,

_July sixteenth,_

_Why does she have to make everything so bloody difficult? She wants to go in the water, she doesn't want to go in the water, she's hot, she's tired. So what does she do? She strips down into barely nothing, down to her knickers, her _knickers_, and drags me into the lake with her. Doesn't she see what she's doing to me? Well, actually I hope she doesn't because that would be rather embarrassing trying to explain why I have a massive hard one while shes completely soaked in nothing but her underwear. Seeing as I am her best friend after all, and only her best friend. Bloody tease that she is..._

She skipped a couple pages, trying not to let him know that she was actually reading his journal, his real thoughts on all matters relating to her. And there were alot, she even had to hold in a blush at a few of them.

_April twenty-third,_

_Lily's birthday is coming up, a few days away, I'm nervous about what she'll think of my gift...I'm always nervous about what she'll think, it's almost become a standard emotion by now. It goes along with other emotions I've come to identify with her: rage, love, annoyance, frustration, lust, and now, nervousness. But, I think it has something to do with the, yet another, dream I've had about her. In this one, we in the potion's classroom, very typical us, studying all innocent like until she, unrealistically, bent over the desk to grab something. _

_Thats when all hell broke loose, her skirt was much shorter than she normally wore it, and she was actually wearing the knee highs that the other girls wear which surprises me, I enjoy the sight of her bare legs but for some reason paired with the too-short-skirt, it's just driving me insane. She then strutts over to grab more ingredents from the cubbord, but even with the length of her legs shes not tall enough, so I go to help her, I grab whatever she was reaching for and hand it to her. Of course she drops it, as she does in every one of these potions-themed dreams, giving me a delicious view of her plump behind, squeezed into those little cotton panties I've seen her in. When she stands back up her wild, untamable hair is hanging around her and somehow out of that high ponytail she had, had it in. _

_She bites at her bottom lip, knowing how it drives me wild, and proceeds to back me up until my back hits the Proffessor's desk. She puts whatever was in her hands down on one of the open desks and turns back to face me, her intense gaze never leaving mine. She was the dominate one in this dream, I guess I was feeling submissive the day before, I wonder if Lily had noticed the pattern that had started to form...whenever I had a dominate wet-dream I tended to let her be more incontrol the next day, it happened that way for submissive dreams as well, I tended to get a bit forceful with her, in all honesty, she didn't seem to mind when I got a little rough, she thought it was just a joke. If only she knew..._

_She had reached up and ran her hands through my hair, tugging lightly like she did sometimes, it really got me going and I hoped she never noticed before. But dream Lily did, and she smile cheekily at the fact that she could get me to rise so easily, because literally all she did was touch me and I'm already hard, as it happens in real life too. But she turned from me and went to hop up on the Proffessor's desk, I settled between her opened thighs, she ran her hands through my hair again as I wondered if she could feel me, feel what she did to me, how wild she drove me - _

"Jeez, you act like my mundane bullshit is so captivating."

She looked up from where she had been intently reading, she knew that she had a blush rising. Lord, it was like reading one of those trashy muggle romance novels her Mother read, it made her all hot and bothered, and she could feel the wetness start to drip on her panties. What made her squirm with desire even more was that this was written about her, by Severus, who apparently had been having dreams about her, hot dreams!, since they were young.

"I wouldn't exactly call you and I undulating with desire in the potions room mundane, unless you have something insanely sexual in here that I have yet to read."

She had played it off cool, like what she had just read hadn't fazed her in some way, like her heart wasn't pounding in her chest or her panties weren't becoming soaked by his written words. She watched as his brows burrowed in confusion before realization dawned on him, his eyes darted between her and his book, a fresh blush starting to rise on his pale skin. He went to reach for the book but Lily moved it out of his reach, she jumped up off the bed, running for the door with his journal in her hands, but he was too fast. She had barely made it two steps from the bed when he tackled her to the ground, the book was now closed so he had no idea exactly what she had read, but he knew that if it was one of the potions classroom ones, then he should be a tad worried. At least it wasn't the one about her kitchen...

He wrestled her for the book, she was on her stomach, laughing as she struggled to move with his dead weight on her. "Severus! Your squishing me!"

"Give me my journal and I'll get off you!"

He could still hear her chuckling, he knew that she wasn't laughing at him for what he had written, because he clearly saw the blush on her cheekbones. She was trying to cover up her own embarrassment, her own desire, thats why she was laughing. Also, because she probably did think this whole situation was a tad funny, but because those were his personal thoughts about _her_, he didn't think it was funny at all.

He covered the length of her body with his own, pinning her to the ground with whatever weight he had. She was on her stomach, her hands to her chest under her, holding the black book to her chest tightly, he was reaching under her to grab it. He could feel her shifting, wiggling her hips in an attempt to move the book. She brought her hands down low, pushing her behind up and he sighed, had she really just done what he thought she did?

"Did you really just put my book in your underwear?"

She chuckled, "Maybe."

He was breathing hot into her ear, the pressure of his solid body above hers was driving her kind of wild, making her bold. She kind of enjoyed this teasing, touchy, banter they had going on, she missed it, becuase even though this was a little in the extreme, they had played like this before. She just hoped it didn't catch up to her.

"And you don't think I won't go down there and get it?"

She could almost feel the quirk of his brow, the narrowing of his eyes, the tight clench of his jaw. She let out a sigh at the thought, why was this turning her on so much? Oh yeah, because her ex-best friend, who she realized she was attracted to, has naughty thoughts about her, even when they were friends, and is now covering her scanitly clad body with his own. Right.

"No, I know you will after what I just read."

There was teasing in her voice, she wasn't trying to hurt his feelings, but she needed him to know that she read it and she wasn't going to pretend otherwise. Great, now he had to deal with this on top of everything else.

He let out something that sounded like a growl, making goosebumps appear over her skin, and reached his hand down under her. Her breath hitched in her throat as his hand slide over the front of her panties, cupping her almost. She let out a moan at the feeling, no one had ever touched her so intimately...James had tried but she always shot him down, saying it was strange that he wanted to actually touch her down there. But when Severus' hand made contact with her aching flesh, it was like he was the only one ever suppose to touch her there.

She felt him stiffen, he hadn't realized that she didn't actually put his journal in her knickers, she had only been teasing him, testing him. And he had quickly pushed his hand under her and was now cupping the front of her _wet_, boyshorts. God, he felt a shiver of pleasure run down his spine and straight to his groin, he was actually, really, touching Lily Evans, in one of the many ways he had thought about over the course of them knowing each other. He had frozen at the sound of her moan, and had yet to pull his hand away from her. He knew that he should, that he should take his hand and move off of her, and run out of the room before he did something stupid. But, when she bucked her hips back into his hand, causing friction to glide over her mound, well he forgot what he was suppose to be doing and moved his hand over her.

He was still above her, basically straddling her thighs, her plump bottom pushing right into his hips, into his hardend length. He supported most of his weight on his forearm that was paralell to her head, he started to move his other hand slowly, so slowly, over her knickers, causing yet another moan to spill from her mouth. He could never get enough of that sound, it was like a pure cleansing for his soul, which was ironic seeing how it only spurred him to keep going and made his length that much harder.

Lily started to breath in pants, and she realized that now would be the most opportune time for him to try and take the book, she figured that the only reason he had continued to touch was so he could grab the journal when she wasn't thinking about it. She stuggled beneath him, turning so that she was facing him, they were now chest to chest. It surprised her that he hadn't moved off of her when she wiggled to face him, maybe she had been wrong in her assumptions that he was just doing this to get the journal - which was now under her, in the back of her knickers.

She looked up into his eyes, his forearm still holding most of his weight, his other hand lay lightly on her hip. He looked down at her, unsure of what to do now, he found that he actually didn't want to move off of her, he didn't want to leave her laying on his plush carpet, with her cheeks ablush and her hair all tousled and wild around her, especially not with the way she was looking at him right now.

They were alone, in his room, the door closed. They had nowhere to be, nothing to do for the whole day, no obligations or classes, no reason to see anyone. It was like the universe had put them in this exact perdiciment to see what they would do, so that the fates could get a rise out of their pain.

But, it was like a wild fire had started in the forrest, there was such tension between them, anger, frustration, lust, sorrow, rage, and love...

When she had looked into his dark eyes, her own eyes wide with such a _yearning _in them - a yearning for him, biting at her bottom lip...well, it was as if they couldn't stop themselves. They both moved quickly, their lips brutally attacking the others, he fought for dominance, she fought for passion. She brought her arms up around his neck, wrapping her fingers around his silky hair. That was a common misconception about Severus, his hair might've looked greasy in the sun, but it was only because his hair was so black, it was actually insanely soft and was often jealous at why her hair couldn't be like that.

He bit at her bottom lip and it made her cry out, a moan soon following after, she should know not to tease him like that, Lily nibbling at her bottom lip always made him excited and she needed to learn not to do it, unless she wanted him to bit at it as well. She snaked one of her hands down from his hair to where his hand was grasping tightly at her hip, she grabbed it in her own and trailed it down to the front of her knickers. She knew he wanted to touch her, and in all honesty, she wanted him to.

His hand stayed put for a few moments, her own hand lightly grasping his forearm, he was hesitant almost. She licked the inside of his mouth as they kissed, slowly and purposely, showing him that she wanted him to. She bucked her hips against his, he nipped at her bottom lips again as he brought his hand back up a little, the feeling sending shivers down her spine, before bringing his hand back down, this time under her knickers.

She pulled her mouth away from his, throwing her head back, and moaning loudly. He had always wondered whether Lily would be quiet or loud in the bedroom, he supposed that he was going to find out, and from the looks of things, he already knew.

He kissed down her jaw, down her neck, leaving hot open mouthed kisses. He moved his inexperienced hand over her necked flesh, just feeling her mostly, but that seemed to be just fine to Lily, who was mewling like a cat. He thought back to something he had read once in a muggle book, and experimentaly brought his thumb to the top of her slit and started to rub small circles.

Whatever he was doing seemed to be working, because Lily tightened her hold on his hair, tugging it - and true to what he had wrote in his journal - it was driving him wild. Not that all of this wasn't, because he now had enough material to add to his spank bank that would last him a very long time. Just the look on her beautiful face, her eyes closed, her mouth open, her head thrown back in obvious ecstasy. God, it was killing him.

He let the rest of his hand trace over her before he added a long finger into her, God, she was so tight, so hot and wet. It was literally killing him. If possible she moaned louder than before, bucking her hips foward to meet his hand, "Ah! Sev - erus!"

He quickly added another, pulling them out slowly before thrusting back in, all the while his thumb stayed rubbing erratic circles over her clit. She cried out louder, clenching his forearm, and holding harder on his hair. He knew she was close, he could tell by the way she was moving her hips erratically, her back arching, the tossing of her head back and forth. He curled his fingers and hit some sort of spot because she literally just broke down, she yelled his name once more before her hips stilled, and she fell back down onto the carpet, spent.

She was breathing so heavy, her chest rising and falling, he could see the hardened peaks of her full breasts, well it looks like he got the answer to that bra question...He could feel the wet on his fingers, in his hand, soaking the fabric of her underwear. He wanted those knickers, those tight little pale green boyshorts, he wanted to hand them on his wall or put them under his pillow. He accomplished something with amazing ability and he'd be damned if he didn't get a trophy for it, namely in the form of her drenched knickers.

She opened her eyes for the first time since they had started to kiss, her skin was flushed, she looked a little sweaty, her eyes were wide and slightly disfocused, her hair all tumbled around her. She had never looked more beautiful to him than in this moment, now with no makeup on, all flushed and a slight blush to her cheeks, and completely spent after what _he_ had just done to her. He liked how she looked beneath him, all pleasured and doe-eyed, he really thought he could get used to it...until he actually realized what had just happened. He supposed it was the teasing line that had just fell from his mouth, or maybe the genuine smile he let so easily slip onto his lips, that actually made him realize what they had done.

"I suppose we can now add this to our list of 'Firsts', huh?"

Her eyes widened slightly at his words, first because she never actually thought that he didn't know what he was doing, she hadn't assumed that he had never touched a girl so intimately before but she also just expected that he had...she was almost happy that she was the first girl his long fingers had ever touched.

But, then it hit her also, she had just let, and encouraged, Severus Snape to touch her in ways she wouldn't even let her own by friend. It startled her more than anything, but surprisingly, she didn't feel dirty, she didn't feel used, or disgusted. Instead she almost felt, glad. What she hadn't expected was his sudden removal from her body, the quick pull of his hand from her knickers, the force of his jump off her and into a standing position.

She sat up, looking at him from where he stood in front of her. He was breathing heavy, his hair disheveled and about every which way from where her hands had twisted it, his skin was flushed, and of course the ever obvious, the sight of his erection pushing at the confindes of his sleep pants.

He saw that her gaze had dropped from his face to the front of his pants, he clenched his jaw at the sight, it was the look in her eyes that startled him and left him begging. In her pale green irises, he saw not shame, or guilt, or anger at what they had done. No, he saw a hunger, a yearning, a fire, for more.

Thats when he knew he needed to remove himself from the room, he marched to the door, opened it, and walked out of his room. Leaving Lily on the floor, confused and angry, but not resentful.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hello everyone! Here's the next chapter, it's about to get back to some angst, angst, angst. Thanks to everyone for the reviews and PMs, still means so much to me! This chapter is only changed in the slightest, I'm sure none of you who've read this before will notice, just some of the way things were phrased or some extra thoughts on Lily and Sev's part. Let me know what you all think!

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She quickly stood up, mouth still gaping at his quick exit, the nerve of that boy! Tossing the journal on the floor, she walked out of the room after him, she had more important matters to attend to now, he was about to go for the common room door when she stopped him.

"So you're just going to leave?"

He turned back to her, she was standing in front of his opened door, her hair tousled all crazy around her, her lips bruised, her porcelian skin flushed, and the front of her knickers completely soaked. Because of him. Even though he knew all of this was extremely wrong, he still couldn't help but feel proud of the fact that he had managed to do that to her.

"Yeah."

She huffed and strutted over to him, he had to admit it, she looked completely arousing. She pushed against his chest, he swayed a bit but didn't move from his spot. There was anger in her eyes, and a hint of sadness, he wasn't sure if it was because of what they did or because he was about to leave.

"You're an idiot, you know that."

"Yeah, I'm vaguely aware."

She gave a cry of frustration at his additude, his non chalant-ness and sarcasm pushing her over the edge. "You can't just do that to me and then..._freak_ out and leave!"

He narrowed his eyes at her, "In case you've forgotten I have a girlfriend and you have a boyfriend. Sorry if I just "freaked" out on you _Evans_, but my complete loss of judgement kind of trumps whatever regretful feelings you're feeling right about now."

Her hands balled into fists beside her, her foot stomping on the carpeted ground. "Oh, no, no, no! You don't get to go back to calling me _Evans_, not after what we just did!"

He let out a humorless chuckle, "What do you expect to come of this Evans? Huh? Last time I checked we weren't even friends, let alone lovers."

"Not for my lack of trying," She crossed her arms over her chest, afraid that if she didn't she would hit him for being so stupid. "That's for sure."

His dark eyes narrowed again, a sneer coming to place itself on his face, "And you don't get to do that." He mocked her position, crossing his arms over his chest. "I apologised to you again, and again, _you_ were the one that refused it. _You_ were the one that threw away all our years of friendship because of one damn mistake and a whole lot of shit talk from the kids in your house. Not me."

"Oh, so this is all _my _fault now?" She stepped closer to him, looking up into his gaze, knowing that the anger and frustration in his eyes matched her own. "You never even denied it Sev! I boldly asked you, and you didn't even deny it! What am I suppose to think? You call me a mudblood in front of everyone, don't deny the fact that you _want_ to be a Death Eater, and still hang around with all those assholes that think of me the same way they think of every other muggle born. Excuse me for not jumping at the chance to forgive you."

"I never said that I _wanted_ to be a Death Eater, you just assumed that because I didn't deny it that I was going to become one! And those _assholes_ are my friends, they didn't just dump me for the first damn quidditch player who doesn't know how to use a comb to come around!"

She let out a laugh at that, was he really that thickheaded?

"Are you honestly that delusional?" She let her hands drop to her sides, taking an offensive stance. "Do you not recall just how horribly they treated you when we first started Hogwarts, how some of them still treat you?" He was silent, because she was somewhat right, they had treated him like shit, some of them worse than Potter had. He was a half-blood in a house full of purists, if Lily hadn't ditched him and if he hadn't made the friends that he had today, well, then he would still be in the same place he was in first year: The hospital wing. "Do you remember just how bad they treated me? All because I was a fucking muggleborn. And I didn't dump you when the first quidditch player asked me out! I hate quidditch, that obviously had no effect on my reasoning to date James, you know that!"

He shook his head, "Oh, and what was your reasoning then Lily? I'm dying to know. Did it involve all the horrid things he's said to Levi and I, or the degrading comments he made as he leered at _you_. Yeah, I bet that's it, you find it sexy don't you, when people belittle and degrade you, sure seems like it with the way you still come around me."

She pushed at his shoulders again, smacking his chest with her small hands. She was beyond furious, not only was that completely false, it made her seem like some form of masochist or something. Which she wasn't!

"What's your problem Severus, like your real problem?" She pushed him once more for good mesure, she knew that she shouldn't play with fire like this, but he just made her so _mad_. "Is it because I haven't come groveling at your feet for forgiveness at turning you away that night? For making you fucking grow up a little without me? No, I know what it is," She let the small vindictive smile slip onto her lips, her eyes never leaving his. "Your just mad because I would choose James before I would ever choose you, becase I did choose James. You're in _love_ with me, and you just can't stand that I let James take me first."

She saw the fire in his dark eyes, the serious clench of his strong jaw, how his hands were curled into tight fists. She had touched a nerve, finally she had touched a damn nerve. Let him try and act all non chalant now!

"Let's stop being so arrogant _Lily_, last time I checked Potter wasn't the one with his hands down your pants, making you scream _his_ name." He watched as her eyes widened, that's right, he just fucking went there. If she was going to play dirty, so was he, no matter how close she actually came to figuring out his real reasoning for the grudge that he had against her. He cut her off before she could interject about her and James' sex life. "And, don't try and lie to me _Lils_ about how James makes you scream. You're virgin territory sweetheart, its nice to know you'd give it up to your ex-best friend before you'd give it to him. As satisfying as it is for me anyway."

He didn't even see the on-line punch to his face, even though he should've expected it after what he just said to her. He felt the singing in his cheekbone, she hadn't broken the bone, he knew that much considering all the bones that had been broken in his body, but she had most definately bruised it. And it hurt like a bitch, but he would never let her know that, so he faked indifference at the swelling to his face.

"You don't know anything, so stop trying to pretend like you do."

He shook his head, "Coming from the girl whose been trying to figure out our lack of relationship these last few months, that's pretty rich. You should take your own advice sometimes Lily, but then again thats always been one of your problems, you can dish it out but you can't take it."

"Oh, we're gonna play it like that now? We both know that I could go on for hours listing your faults, just as I'm sure you could do to mine. But thats the point, we still know almost everything about eachother."

"Your point being?"

She let out a defeated breath, her eyes still locked with his, she let some of the angry tension out of her body. "Why are you still holding this vendetta against me when all I so obviously just want is to just call a truce? You're so damn adamnent at staying mad at me and I honestly have no idea why, I've tried everything, asked everything, and you have yet to give me an honest answer. What the hell happened that day, and the year after that turned you into..._this._"

She gestured to all of him and watched the emotions run through his eyes, and of course the clench of his jaw and fist. He knew that all she wanted from him was information, that this on-going war between the two of them had to stop eventually, and that she wanted it to. But, she wanted it to stop now, she hadn't said a word to him, gestured to him, looked at him in the eye, for over a year, and now that they were Heads all of a sudden she wanted that to change?

No, he didn't understand her reasoning, her logic. The last time he checked, she hated him just as much as he didn't enjoy her, and then one day over the summer changed all that? He was curious to know why she wanted a relationship with him now, when he had wanted one all a long. He had apologised profusely, tried to make amends between them, but she had been hurt and left him, went ahead and started a loving year long relationship with the one person that had started this whole thing between them.

She had kept speaking while he had stayed silent and thought about things, but he cut her off when she kept going.

"You can't just be all tolerant and friend-like one day, then turn around and be a dick the next. You're playing with me Severus and I don't like it - "

"Why did you go out with James."

It was a simple question, it had come out almost defeated sounding, and while he was still angry, alot of the tension had drained from his body. She looked up at him, her brows furrowed in confusion, hadn't they been talking about something completely different?

"Uh, because I wanted to."

He shook his head, turning to sit down on the couch next to them. "No, I want to know the real reason why."

She looked a him from where she stood, planted in the same spot she had been before he moved. She was shocked by this question and his caviler-like state, she knew that he was still angry, she could tell by the way he held his jaw, how he sat with his shoulders haunched, and his arms on his knees, his hands twisting together. He was nervous for her answer, but he wanted it...she didn't know if she could tell him.

"Why does it matter?"

He sighed, his eyes pleading, "Please Lily, just tell me."

She slowly walked over so that she was standing nearer to him, "Only if you tell me the truth about why you don't want me."

He looked up at her, brows furrowed, "I never said that I didn't want you, if anything my actions today should be testimony to that."

"Then why do you still hold this grudge against me?"

"I asked you first, love."

She bit at her lip and pulled her gaze away from him, he was sucking her in again, with his gentle voice and yearning eyes. She would resist this time, like she should've done the first time...she guessed it was because he had been so rude to her, demeaned her constantly, that she jumped at the first sign of his old self, jumped right into any act of kindness or affection.

She realized that she would probably always do that, she would always cave to him, because she knew him. For the better part of her life they had been bonded, they had shared things, kept secrets, spent corpus amounts of time together, depended on each other, and defended their counterpart. There would always be this small, or large, part of her that would feel for him, pity him, even love him, because she knew the real him, even if he thought that he could hide it, he couldn't from her, not really anyway.

"I..." She paused, biting at her lower lip again, looking away from his eyes. "I suppose that the first time I had ever thought about dating James came from a less...pure thought." He waited for her to continue, although if she was going to start talking about how "handsome" or "dashing" Potter was, he'd have to stop her. She turned and looked into his eyes, "I wanted you to suffer. I was really pissed at you Sev, more angry than I had ever been. I get flack from the Slytherin's everyday for being a muggleborn, I get shit from my sister for being a 'freak', I can take it from most people, but from _you_, I couldn't."

He felt the old guilt for calling her that name bubble back up, guilt he hadn't felt since fifth year, he didn't like the feel of it at all.

"James had never made it a secret about how much he fancied me, and after a whole summer of not speaking to you...when he asked me to go on a date with him after trying to prove to me that he had changed, I didn't say no." She hated the way he looked at her, full of curiousity and pain, she knew with her next statement that would be wiped away and that he would look at her with only that blind rage that she was now accustom to seeing. "I went out with him mainly because I knew you'd find out, like I said I wanted you to hurt like you made me. I always knew that you you might have had some type of feelings for me..."

She saw the way his brow rose, a look of shock crossing his face. She waited for him to respond, to give her some inkling that he still might, but he stayed silent, breath held, until she continued.

"It was just the way you would look at me sometimes, the way you would push the hair out of my eyes, or how your fingers would linger on my skin. I have never actually been certian if you felt that way about me, that is until I started to go out with James, and you tracked me down, orderd me to tell you the truth, to tell you why. You were crushed, angry, but crushed, and it made me feel better, and that's when I knew that you had once held some type of _like_ for me...and that's when I realized that after going out with James it would be gone."

He was silent, listening and taking everything in, although she could see the clear lines of betrayel in his eyes. But, she continued anyway, hoping that if she kept rambling on that he would forget her words and just kiss her again. "James really wasn't as bad as I had thought, as everyone thought. He had worked all summer to change, to show me he had changed, which he had."

Severus scoffed at her idiocy, "Changed? He hasn't changed anything except the way he talks to you. Oh, and he doesn't pull anymore _harmful_ pranks on people."

"Severus - "

"No Lily, you know more than anymore how many times I ended up in the hospital wing because of that prick, how many bruises I had, how much skelegrow I had to drink. And that wasn't even my Father's doing, not those times, that was all because of your little boyfriend who had _changed_."

"Look, I know what I did was wrong, I know what James used to do was wrong, but I..." He watched as she hesitated over her words, and didn't miss how it affected what she said next. "_Care_ for him."

"Do you love him."

"Do you love _her_."

They stared at each other, the tension growing thicker as neither one of them moved to answer the question hanging in the air. Lily bit at her bottom lip, nervous about what his answer would be, he had to know that as much as she liked James, as much as she cared for him, she didn't _love_ him. She might've been able to trick herself into believing that she had before, earlier in the year, but not now, not after the Amortentia, not after the fights, not after this morning... She honestly wouldn't know how to feel if he answered yes to that question, but something was telling her that it wouldn't be good.

He didn't want to hear her answer, even though he knew that she would probably say no, he couldn't help but fear that there was some sliver of a chance that she'd say yes, how ever unlikely that may be it was still there. He was in love with her, not Airabella, he barely felt for the latter, she was his girlfriend but not really by choice.

Airabella had approached him one day in the Slytherin common room, he had been sitting on the couch finishing an essay for Transfig when she had sauntered in and sat down beside him. He knew who she was, they were friends by association and as close as people become in the Slytherin house, he always knew that Lucius and him were the exception considering how close they actually were. She was in their group, she was best friends with Narcissa, beautiful, and bright. So, when she had told him that they were going out on a date, he wasn't going to say no, it had been the first time that anything of that nature had ever happend and he would be a fool to turn it down. Although he had no idea what Airabella's true intentions were, or still were, he knew that she did like him on some level, and he reciprocated those feelings, but honestly, if it were between her and Lily, he would chose Lily every time. He just would, it was like he was pre-programed to pick his ex-best friend, he loved her wholeheartedly and fully, even though there were many times that he wished he wouldn't.

Mainly when Airabella wanted to be intimate, sure, he was a bloke, and he wasn't going to stop a beautiful girl from throwing herself at him, which was obviously proven this morning. But, the thought of giving himself fully, to lose control so willingly and breakdown, to anyone that wasn't the red headed beauty in front of him just felt wrong on so many levels. He had built up so many walls around him, a facade that nearly everyone believed, he wasn't about to just drop that for anyone. Sex could be just sex; meaningless and physical, but that wasn't the level he was on, he was accustom to shutting down for so many other things, he wanted that to be something he could experience fully. He wanted his first time with a girl to be with someone that could appriciate the walls being dropped, to want to experience it just as he, he wanted it to be with Lily, _and many times after that as well_, he couldn't help but add as an afterthough.

But, as he looked at her now, all almost teary eyed, biting on the inside of her lip as a nervous reaction to their silent waiting game...he wasn't so sure. The fact that she could so easily hurt him, so easily decieve him and love Potter under the obviously false pretences of their relationship, well, it really fucking hurt. He had never thought her capable of something so crude, to use Potter was one thing, to use Potter to hurt _him_ was an entirely different ball game, one that he didn't even know exisited.

He understood her wanting him to hurt, but didn't she realize that by not accepting his heart wrenchingly truthful apology had nearly killed him? That the thought of never being able to talk to her again, or smile and laugh, read together, play together, just be near each other again, was punishment enough? But, to add Potter into the mix, someone that had basically tortured him since he was eleven, and love him in spite of what bastard things he had done, just to hurt _him_? Well, that was...vindictive.

It was a side of Lily that he always knew exisited but he had never seen, sure he had seen it in small spurts when she would fight off the Marauders for being pricks, but he had never seen it in full force. And here it was, plain as day, staring at him in the face in the form of her and Potter's _relationship_...

Maybe she had spent too much time with him as a child, maybe his angsty innerworkings had rubbed off on her and caused her to become what she was now. But, what was she now?

He glanced her over, taking in her tired, worried features, her wide, tearful eyes. She looked broken, and he knew it was because of him. He realized that none of this would've happened if he hadn't been beyond embarrassed and called her that horrid name, that everything would be the same as it had always been. And maybe, maybe by this time in their Hogwarts lives they would've already been dating, loving each other like they were suppose to.

She watched as everything worked through that clever mind of his, nawing at her bottom lip she couldn't take it anymore, couldn't take his silence. "Just tell me."

He was startled by how loud her voice sounded in the eerily silent common room, the only other sound was that of the flames crackling merrily in the fireplace. He shrugged one broad shoulder, "No."

"N-no?"

"No."

She didn't dare shift her gaze from his, "As in - ?"

"As in, no, I'm not going to tell you."

She looked at him dumbfounded as he crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes never leaving her's. "Y-you can't do that!"

He knew that she was starting to stutter because she was on the verge of tears, angry tears he quickly realized. "Yes, I can. I don't _have _to tell you anything, you don't really deserve my answer."

She scoffed, "Oh, don't act you're the one that's all innocent in this! I went out with James to make you angry and then realized that I actually enjoyed him, _you_ called me a Mudblood in front of half the upper Years all because I was trying to help you!"

"Help me, Lily? Help me!" He stepped in closer to her, but she resisted the urge to step back, keeping her ground as he growled in her face. "Is that what you think you were doing?"

"It was my intention! That's why I walked over there, I was your best friend, I was trying to help you!"

"You bloody well stood there and laughed at me! Stood there will all the rest of them and s_miled_, fucking smiled!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you fucking did!"

"Then obviously you were more disorentaited then you had previously thought, either that or James really did fuck you up more than you let on, because I did _not_ smirk, laugh, smile, or chuckle at your pain and embarrassment! I'm your best friend! I would never - "

"Were. You were my best friend."

"Is that what your really angry about Sev? The fact that you think I laughed at you when that happend?"

He clenched his jaw tight, narrowing his eyes at her, "No. What I'm really angry about is the fact that you're still here." She looked at him with anger and confusion in her wild eyes, he slowed his breathing, his voice became soft and serious, but still held the venom needed to get it out. "You're nothing Lily. Nothing. You're just a stupid, little girl, from a muggle family who really doesn't like her all that much. You're not what they wanted and no matter how hard you try, no matter how smart you are here, it doesn't matter because you're a failure to them and you always will be."

He knew that he was playing the dirtiest that he could get, he was using basically Lily's only insecurity against her, manipulating it to fit his cruel intentions. She had always been worried that she would never live up to her parents expectations, even though Dahlia and Robert's were exceptionally low, she knew that being different put a strain on her relationship with them, especially with Petunia. It was low, and horridly mean to do to her, but he was angry and the little Gryffindor princess needed to learn not to play with fire, unless she wanted to get burned.

"I hate you."

She spat it venomously in his direction, trying to keep the tears from leaking from her eyes, even though he was angry, it still hurt to see her cry because of him, but he kept his emotions and feelings in check.

"Good, now we're on the same page."

He turned on his heel and stalked out of the common room, slamming the portrait door behind him, this time when he left she didn't run after to stop him. She slide down onto the carpeted floor, letting the cries form in her throat and the tears run from her eyes. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and let out her chocked sob.

If only she knew that on the other side of their portrait door, Severus was slide down against the stone wall in the exact same position, praying that no one walked down their hallway and saw the way he cried. For her, saw the way he cried for her, and his broken heart, and all the angry, raging feelings inside him. How he cried for what he had said to her, how she had used his enemy to hurt him worse than any shattered bone or brusied flesh ever could, and how he wanted nothing more than to crawl into her arms and hide away for ever.

And, all he could keep thinking about is what he knew Levi would say: _Here's to teenage romance, and not knowing why it hurt's so much_. And just how much his little brother was right.


End file.
